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Hong Jokes

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The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 120 days, proving the country does not belong to China

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

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Why do the Hong Kong police like to show up to work early?

They like to beat the crowds.

Edit: WTF is wrong with you people?
I know dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old but, 2 shiny bottle caps?? NO!! Send that money to the protesters, or groups helping them, in Hong Kong.

Edit 2:
Add edit to first comment.
Also he...

The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 160 days, proving the country does not belong to China.

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

What happened in Hong Kong this week?

According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.

Why do the Hong Kong police get up early in the morning?

To beat the crowds.

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my grandpa tells us about his good old days in Hong Kong

He said, "when I was your age, I can go into the groceries with 10 dollars, and come out with 2 loaves of bread, 2 dozen of eggs, 2 kilos of potatoes, maybe a few cans of soda, plus handful of candies and probably some beef jerky."

We were like, "omg!!! That's a lot!! 10 dollars now can only ...

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There was a man who recently started dating an extremely attractive woman

Soon he found out that he was required to spend 3 weeks in Hong Kong for work. He thought to himself "Damn, I'm going for 3 weeks and knowing the needs of my girlfriend, I'm sure she'll cheat on me".

He decides to go to a sex shop so that he could buy something with which his girlfriend could...

Hong Kong

I was shopping in Hong Kong recently. I bought twenty bucks worth of groceries and paid with a hundred bill.

The shop owner gave me the bag of goods and went on to serve the next customer.

I was livid! "Where's my money? I bought twenty and paid with a hundred! You owe me eighty doll...

Free Hong Kong

With the purchase of a Hong Kong of equal or greater value.

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My dick is like Hong Kong

It’s hard to control even when I beat it

A Joke from Hong Kong

Recently the Hong Kong Government has announced that all police will have to travel in groups of three:

One cop knows how to read,

The second knows how to write

And the third is to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

I met my wife in Hong Kong.

I said "what the hell are you doing here?"

Whats the difference between a nuclear-ravaged wasteland and Hong Kong?

The amount Xi has been drinking.

What's the difference between Hong Kong Protestors and Redditors?

Protestors do not tolerate censorship.

Apparantly part of a Hong Kong politician's ear was bit off.

I'm glad Mike Tyson is giving his all to these protests

What do IKEA and Hong Kong have in common?

No peaceful assembly

Free Hong Kong Tee Shirts are okay I guess...

I doubt that I'd ever *buy* one though

I think Hong Kong is the next big player in the fashion world.

Mask were very in during the protests last year. Now everyone's wearing one.

Whats the top most request DJs in Hong Kong are getting

Clubbed to death

Just ordered Hong Kong style sweet and sour chicken from my local takeaway

4 police officers delivered it and fired tear gas through my front door.

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[Long] Old medical joke

A very sexually active guy went to the doctor complaining of pain when urinating.

The doctor sent him off for a number of blood, stool and semen samples, and when the result came back phoned the guy urgently and said "oh my god, you have 'Hong Kong Dong', you need to have your penis amputat...

I cannot understand why they don’t call the riots in Hong Kong

Tiananmen²

The Hong Kong protestors are not really accepting of the police’s new message.

Apparently some have even taken it to heart.

If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping-pong and died, what would they put on his coffin?

A lid.

They've got internet for vehicles in Hong Kong too...

They call it Wong Kar-Wai fi.

In Hong Kong harbor, a ship carrying red paint collided with a freighter carrying purple paint

Reports say both crews are marooned

As chosen by voters, Germany's Berlin Zoo named their two newborn pandas "Hong" and "Kong".

Upon hearing the news, China reacted fiercely and decided to withdraw all pandas from every country back to mainland China. It was a logistical nightmare⁠ to bring all the pandas back—it was pandemonium.

"China reports no new coronavirus local infections!" says a Chinese national to random strangers on the Internet

"But Hong Kong and Taiwan are still reporting in new cases" replied the random guy on the Internet.

"No… Hong Kong and Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

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No matter how much I love freedom and democracy, I know I can never stand with the Hong Kong protesters again.

The CCP broke my fucking legs

Gotta respect the people of Hong Kong for standing up and fighting the power. Can you imagine what life would be like under a dictatorship?

Can you imagine what life would be like under a dictatorship? They could let 1% of the people have the vast majority of the nation’s wealth. They could ignore the needs of the poor for health-care and education. They could help their rich friends get richer by cutting their taxes and bailing them ou...

If Great Britian leaves the EU then it will be like its own Hong Kong

Owned by the British, surprisingly prosperous for its size, and desperately longing to be white.

Divorce

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says,
"I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells.
"We can't stand the si...

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A man walks into the doctor's with an awful rash on his penis

The doctor asks if the man had been overseas recently, to which the answer was yes (he had just returned from a holiday in Asia).

The Doctor says "I'm sorry to tell you that you have Hong Kong Dong and your penis needs to be removed."

The man was shocked and extremely upset.
He left...

Did you see the news about the fight that broke out when they played the wrong national anthem for the winning team at the Asian table tennis finals?

The headline read "Hong Kong Ping Pong Sing Song Ding Dong".

Where ya bin?

trashman knocks on the back door of an Asian restaurant.

The proprietor comes out

Trash man says: ‘where’s ya bin’

Asian proprietor says: ‘I bin to Hong Kong’

Trash man says: ‘no... where’s ya wheelie bin?’

Asian proprietor: ‘I wheely bin to hong kong’

Trash...

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Honk Kong Dong

Bill had just returned home from a sales convention in Hong Kong. He spent his days at the convention and his nights in the Red Light district, and was now suffering from a painful and inflamed penis. He hurried to the doctor, who diagnosed it as the Hong Kong Dong and told Bill he would have to hav...

I like my coffee the same way I like my slaves.

Free.


(Hong Kong)

I’m a Chinese goose

Hong Kong

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A 35 year old virgin, fed up with constant dating failures,

goes to see his doctor, for the umpteenth time. Fed up with the constant complaints, his doctor finally relents.

"Ok ok. There's a new guy in town, from Hong Kong. Chinese. Relationship specialist. I think he's a quack but it's worth a try." Says his doc and gives him the address.

Th...

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It’s ironic that China doesn’t want us calling it “Chinese Coronavirus”.

They lay claim to just about about everything else even vaguely related to them: Tibet, Taiwan, Hong Kong, every tiny island for about 5,000 miles in any direction...

China Two Party System

Taiwan and China

Signed, Hong Kong

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Where's ya bin (full version)

A trash man knocks on the back door of an Asian restaurant.
The proprietor comes out and the trash man says: ‘where’s ya bin’

The Asian proprietor: ‘I bin to Hong Kong’

Trash man: ‘no... where’s ya wheelie bin?’

Asian proprietor: ‘I wheely bin to hong kong’

Trash man: ...

Herd Immunity’s Victory

Hong Kong showed the world how to actively contain the virus.

Italy showed the world how one fails to contain the virus.

India showed the world how anybody can contain the virus.

Boris Johnson showed the world that the virus does not need to be contained.

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Number Sixty Nine

Hong and Lin were Chinese immigrants. They had been married for 20 years and operated a successful Chinese takeout restaurant.

One night they are sleeping when Hong wakes up suddenly and immediately rouses his wife. "Honey, I have a hankering for some number sixty nine!"

"Go back to sl...

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"The dangers of smoking"

A man is standing outside in the "smoking zone" of an airport on a freezing cold January morning, smoking one last cigarette before his 16 hour, non-stop flight to Hong Kong for a business trip.

Another man walks up to him and says "do you have any idea how bad that is for you? Don't you know...

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A man goes to his doctor

and complains that his penis is developing a bend in the middle. So the doctor ran a series of tests, and had the man return to his office to report the results. "Have you been in the Far East recently, within the last year or so?" "Why, yes," replied the man. "And did you have sex while over there?...

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A guy goes to China on a business trip.

While he’s there he bangs a bunch of Chinese hookers. By the time he arrives home in the U.S., his dick is covered in sores, swollen and hurts like hell. Guys goes to the doctor and the doc says “looks like you’ve got a pretty bad case of Hong Kong dong. We can get ya better but it’s gonna cost $3,0...

Did y'all hear about the accident during the Kowloon Percussion Festival?

There was a tamtam ensemble that was playing a piece, and one of the instruments fell off its stand and rolled into the crowd, injuring a few people.

Headlines were "Hong Kong Gong Song Gone Wrong"

A Man throws a stick

The stick lands on a car, the dog follows it.

The car goes to JFK airport, the dog follows it. 'Come back!' Yelled the man, but to no avail.

The stick lands in baggage, the dog goes into another baggage in hopes of finding the stick.

The respective owners of the baggages are bot...

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Chinese prostitute

A guy went to China and while there he met a very exotic woman who he ended up having sex with him. While it was the best sex he ever had, his penis started itching and then started to swell. When he got back to the States, he went to his urologist. By then it was turning purple black and was very ...

Isis sent 8 terrorists to China

A few years ago, ISIS did train eight people for many months before sending them on terrorist missions to China.

The first guy’s target was Beijing’s most complex interchange. He passed out due to motion sickness.

The second guy wanted to blow up a public bus in Shanghai during rush ho...

It's the 1920s. A German tourist while walking around in New York city's Chinatown, notices a restaurant named "Hans Baumhauer's authentic chop suey"...

He gets curious, and wants to find out more about this German man who has set up a restaurant in the heart of china town.
He asks a very old Chinese man squatting in front of the restaurant, "Do you know this Hans Baumhauer who owns this restaurant?"
"Yes", says the old man, "I am Hans Baumhau...

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