UPJOKE
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I had this weird dream that I was swimming in a fizzy purple drink...

When I woke up in my bed, I have to admit, I was a little disappointed that it was only a Fanta-sy.

"911, what's your emergency?"

Drunk redneck, "Send help, my buddy just fell and hit his head on the sidewalk. He's bleed'n like a stuck hog!"

911, "Okay sir, what's your location?"

Drunk redneck, "We're at the corner of Sycamore and Vine."

911, "Okay sir, I'm going to need you to spell that for me. "

...

The girl I like really loves orange soda. Sadly, she's way out of my league.

Is this a Crush, or just a Fanta-sy?

If you're afraid of new years parties, it's just some auld lang syne ity

Auld lang syne is old English pronounced "old ang sy" commonly.

A pea, a lemon, and a potato went to the bar

A pea, a lemon, and a potato all went out to the bar after work. They all had a couple of drinks and had a merry time. The potato, being made entirely of starch, didn't get drunk at all, let alone tipsy. The lemon, being citrus, didn't feel very good after the second drink. The pea, being very small...

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