Get a job

A young man in a small town graduates from high school. His father comes to him that evening and tells him “Son, you’re a man now. You need to start contributing to this household. Go get a job.”

The young man is rightfully concerned. Work prospects in his town are slim. The only jobs availab...

My boss pulled up to work in a brand new Porsche.

I told him, “Wow! That’s a sick ride.”
He replied, “Hey, if you work hard for this company, put all your hours in and make stellar sales, I’ll buy another next year.”

Stellar objects and radio waves?

I always wondered, when hearing stellar bodies like pulsars, quasars and black holes emit radio waves, the following:

1) Are these waves akin to AM/FM/VHF/UHF type signals in that they transmit signals and sound?
2) If not, are these "waves" just variations in the redshift of hydrogen?
...

Sean Connery built a magnificent bookcase

It was the centerpiece of the library in his mansion and even the Queen herself praised it as one of the top bookcases in all of England. Everyone who ever visited his library has marvelled at the sheer greatness of this bookcase and many said that if acting didn't work out, that he would have had ...

Needing a little more room to park our bikes I said, "another 10cm would make such a great difference"

and so my wife, bless her, replied with a stellar "that's what she said".
True story from yesterday morning, just wanted to share our mirth :)

Three guys arrive at the pearly gates, and St. Peter decides which vehicle to give them.

“Heaven is a big place,” he says. “You’ll need something to get around. What I give you is based on how well you treated your marriage on Earth.”

The first guy says, “Marriage was difficult for me. We both had affairs and eventually got divorced after 10 years. But I still tried to live a goo...

I directed a movie about my broken leg.

It had a stellar supporting cast.

A monk got a stitching job in a submarine.

The captain, after showing the basic things required for the young tailor, left to him torn fabrics and uniforms of soldiers. As part of his job, he had brought his own sewing kit and he asked to left alone while doing his work.

The monk's work was nothing less than stellar, but sometime...

If a Stormtrooper offers to give you a ride in his car, you shouldn’t worry about ending up in a car accident

They have a stellar safety record, because they’ve never hit anything since the beginning of time

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two good friends, a doctor and a priest, are out golfing one fine day.

They step up to tee off at the first hole. The priest drives a beautiful shot down the fairway. The doctor steps up next and fires off a worm-burner straight into the rough.

The doctor grumbles loudly, "Fuck, I missed."

The priest reproves him, "Please, Ted, don't swear in fron...

Did you hear about the restraunt that's opened up on the moon?

Service is stellar and the food is out of this world but theres no atmosphere..

So this farmer owns a single female pig. He wants her to have piglets...

...so(w) he asks around the village for any eligible bachelor boars. Turns out there aren't any, but there's this fella at a nearby village who runs a Rent-A-Boar service, charging by the coupling.

The next morning, our farmer gets up early, attaches the trailer to his tractor, gets the pig o...

John and Mark were high school friends

They meet on the street after not seeing each other for a few years.
John: Mark, my buddy! How have you been??
Mark: Not too stellar, but nevermind that, you look glowing! What happened?
John: (excitedly) I bought an elephant!
Mark: And what's so great about an elephant?
Joh...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".

Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watso...

Space Bar and the Robot

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"

The man thought a moment then replied? "A martini please."

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the...

Topical Jokes (5/20)

Welcome back, everybody! We've got some more news and, thus, more jokes. Let's get started.

Right off the bat, more on President Obama. Following a week of scandals, President Obama played golf with Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood. Things got a little tense when Obama had IRS agents audit...

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