Just realized that you do the same thing to women and light switches when they’re turned on

You flick em off

I bought one of those "Smart" light switches, but it was too clever for me.

So I replaced it with a dimmer switch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of the mountains.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon, the insects, and a pile of straw on the floor as a bed.

The ne...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new vibrator has gone on sale.

Its so realistic that just before the woman reaches orgasm,


It cums, farts, goes limp then switches itself off!.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The husband is going on a business trip.

Immediately before leaving, he says to his wife: "Honey! I am leaving for a long time and I understand that it will be difficult for you without a man. Therefore I constructed a robot. His name is Bob. As soon as you want a man, say: " Bob! "and he will do his job."

Just after the husband cl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bloke goes into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants. "I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits" he says....

...."You dirty pig!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my husband."


The bloke apologizes and promises not to repeat his gaffe. The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants. "I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your ass and lick it al...

Sony came up with a game software that switches between games in your library when it sees you are losing interest in the one you are playing

It's a game changer.

What do you call someone who switches water bottle brands a lot

An h2hoe

What happens if America switches from pounds to kilograms overnight?

A mass confusion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One in four men switches the light off during sex.

Ugly women are saving the environment.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bathrooms with motion detecting light switches are the worst...

If you take too long to take a dump, you can’t see shit.

A burglar breaks into a joint

While going through the owner's belongings a shrill voices goes:
"Heavenly Father is watching you! Heavenly Father is watching you!"

Slightly irritated, the burglar switches on the light and sees a parrot in the corner, repeating its line:

"Heavenly Father is watching you! Heavenly ...

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