Two hunters were walking around in the woods around twilight

One of them grabs the other and pulls him back from a 6-foot diameter, perfectly smooth hole.

"You saved my life" says the hunter. "I wonder how far down that hole goes..."

So they find an old anvil and throw it in the hole. As they're listening for the anvil to hit, a goat comes runni...

Twilight's like soccer

Twilight's like soccer. They run around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand.

Tried to change my password to Twilight...

...but got an error message saying please re-enter as this contains too many useless characters :(

Why should you always carry toilet paper to the twilight zone?

Doodoo doodoo

My friend took me to a twilight fencing class.

I couldn't really see the point.

Another Soviet Joke

In the late 1980s, Mikhail Gorbachev, tried to curb alcoholism deaths by limiting the times and places vodka was sold, resulting in huge lines.

One man, in line for vodka, says " I can't take this, save my place, I'm going to the Kremlin to assassinate Gorbachev.", and he trudges off into t...

A man is walking in the forest and finds a GIANT hole in the ground...

Wanting to see how deep it is, he finds a small stone and throws it in

He listens for it to land but doesn’t hear anything...

“Geez that’s deep” he thinks, and begins looking for for an even bigger stone to try with

He finds a good sized boulder and tosses it in..

Once ag...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood..

Then why don't vampires suck cock? Oh wait...Twilight.

Important safety warning:

An ancient Babylonian general was once involved in a plot to overthrow the king. His plot included a number of followers in the upper ranks of the army. However, his plot was uncovered, and the king threw him in jail. The king sentenced him to death without a trial.

However, from the jail he ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman, her 7 years old and a Taxi driver.

A woman and her 7 years old son were inside a Taxi. It was raining and all the twilight girls were standing by the roadside.

The Boy asked; "Mummy, what are all those women doing?."

His Mother replied; "They are waiting for their husbands to come back from work."

The Taxi driver...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

New weights and measures

1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with Go...

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Plato is lecturing his students on the nature of change and how nothing is ever constant.

To drive his point home, he asks his students to give him an example of something definite.
"Master," says the first, "the leaves on the trees are definitely green."
"Not true," answers Plato, "for they can appear brown, yellow, or orange in the autumn months."
"Master," says the second, "t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Angry Notes" Courtesy of Saurabh on Fropki.com

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get it up. Enjoy dreaming about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

D...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The rancher and the mail-order bride

During the days of the American Frontier there was a successful rancher out west who had grown wealthy through a lot of hard work and some shrewd business dealings. He was known as a hard man with few weaknesses and, being such, he had little patience for weakness in others. He was getting past midd...

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FEAR and SEX at the grocery store...

The other day I was getting ready to check out at the grocery store. I decided to use the self check out station since I only had a few items.

I tapped on the screen to begin my transaction and was promptly asked to input my phone number (for extra savings, of course) and began scanning my it...