Strains Jokes - 20 Hilarious Strains Jokes

With all the new, more severe, strains of Covid being discovered..

I guess that means that the original was actually Corona light..

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

The a...

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."

Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."

Third B...

What's it called when two strains of a disease are identical?

plague-arism

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An old man and his wife have gone to bed.

After laying on bed for a few minutes, the old man cut a fart and says, "7 points."

His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"

The old man says, "Touchdown. I'm ahead 7 to nothing."

A few minutes later, the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
<...

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Dave and his blunt

Dave is sitting at home one day smoking a blunt. He smokes half of it, when all of a sudden he gets a heart attack and dies. When Dave gets into Heaven, he asks God if he could turn him into an insect so he can finish his weed. God agrees and turns Dave into a spider. Dave the spider finds himself o...

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An old man and his wife are in bed.

After lying silently for a few minutes, the old man farts and says, “Seven points.”

His wife rolls over and says, “What in the heck are you talking about?”

The old man answers, “I’m playing fart football!”

A few minutes later the wife farts and says, “Touchdown! Tie score.”
<...

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An old married couple is lying in bed when...

the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and sa...

A man is on his deathbed with his son next to him

He strains his muscles to get up and place a hand on his son's shoulder. He clears his throat and looks his son straight in the eyes.

"Tag you're it" He says

Then he dies

Just saw a news report

Just saw a news report on the strains of isolation. It’s reported people are going crazy. I had been talking about this with my mircowave and toaster and all of us agree things are getting bad. I didn’t mention anything to the washing machine as he always has to put a different spin on every...

On a cruise ship

A man is standing on deck, idly watching the water. On a nearby island, he spots somebody. He strains his eyes to see, and can make out that it is a very thin, dirty looking man with wild hair. He watches him jump up and down, wave, run along the beach and can even faintly make out that he man is ye...

A man is on his deathbed with...

his wife by his side. In his faint, dying breath, he tells her that there were two times he suspected she cheated on him, and he would like to know the truth, the whole truth, before he dies.

Rather hesitantly, she agrees to tell him everything. "Well first," she begins, "remember when you lo...

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Two morticians alternated in sharing the responsibility of covering the night shift.

One early morning about 3:00 am, a body was brought into the
mortuary, and the mortician began work. When he had unclothed the corpse,
he noticed a cork in the anus. Removing it, the strains of "Hello, Dolly,
well, hello, Dolly...!" were plainly heard being sung. He put the cork
back, an...

Two old men are having an argument over which one of them has lived their life to it's fullest

The first man, old, wrinkled and his scalp topped with few white strains of hair, proclaims:
>"I have only been able to achieve my proud age of 98 through a steadily upheld 6 hour workout routine on a daily basis. I may have lost some time, but it was completely worth it."

The second m...

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A couple has been dating for three months in the sex is getting dull

One night they're lying in bed when the girl says, "Harry, want to try something new? It's very kinky."

He says, "Sure."

She says, "Stand over me and take a shìt on me."

He stands up, straddles her, squats a bit, and takes a dump on her chest.

She says, "Now lie in it...

Two vampire bats are very hungry

Two very hungry vampire bats are hanging as they would, upside down, and are talking about the lack of animals in their surrounding to feed from. They have been going for days in search for a victim for them to get their nourishment to no avail.

Bat 1: "I am going out again, I am starving"...

Bruce the Aussie

Bruce the Aussie bloke walks into a dusty old bar deep in the outback. To everyone's surprise he has a five meter salty -- a crocodile -- on a leash.

"Roit!" he exclaims. "I'll bet everyone here that I can have my mate here" -- gesturing to the crocodile -- "clamp down on my donger for a fu...

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I Love Willy

In his first day working in an old folks home a young man is bed bathing an old lady.

He noticed a tattoo and in an attempt to start conversation he comments;

"I like your tattoo, what is it is says?"

He strains his eyes to read it (wrinkles and all).

"I love Willy"? ...

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The Aristocrats return to the talent agency...(OC)

The agent says, "Holy fuck, not you asshats again." The father shakes his head, "No, no. It's a totally different show. I swear, this one is going to be really big." The agent has a slow day, so he waves his hand for them to continue.

The father looks at his son, "Ok, Bernard..." and the son...

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An old couple were lying in bed...

...getting ready to go to sleep. All of a sudden the man lets out a huge fart, and says "I'm winning!"

His wife says "what are you talking about?" He tells her, "It's a game. Fart football. I just scored a touchdown. I'm winning!"

Not to be outdone, the lady lets out a cheek-ripper her...

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