Pirate Captain: I need a catch phrase

######First Mate [contemplating whether to murder his captain with a knife or his pieces of wood]:
shiv or me timbers...

A captain and a sailor are on a ship.

One day the sailor drinks a bit. The captain notes this down that the sailor was drunk. The sailor pleads him to add that he was drunk but it was only once in eight years or else he may lose his job. The captain declines this saying whatever he has written is the truth.
Next day it is the turn of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered m...

I'd love to find a way to turn the autocorrect off.

I'm tired of that shiv.

What'd the cold prisoner do when the female guard came to his cell?

Shiv 'er.

How do cows pay for things?

With MOO-Lah

(if too corny just shiv me fam)

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