A soldier was rushed to the hospital with a horrific bayonet wound.

Unfortunately, he was pronounced dead on a rifle.

Jim, who was late to everything, was drafted. Sure enough, in boot camp, he was last in line to get a rifle.

When it was his turn, the quartermaster said, “I’m sorry but we’re all out of rifles.” Jim said, “How can I do the drills then?” The quartermaster replied, “Take this stick and when it’s time to shoot, yell ‘Bangety Bang Bang!’ Go get a bayonet on it and maybe it’ll look better.” But, again, Jim was...

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A teacher asked her students

To tell a story and the moral for that story. Alice told a story.

'A man bought a basketful of eggs from the market. He imagine becoming rich by hatching the eggs and having the chicken lay more eggs, and so on. He then tripped and dropped his basket of eggs. The moral of this story, don' t p...

The Rusky and the Kraut

Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.

"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang'."

"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (a...

The Power of Words

A soldier in the trenches of WWI had lost his rifle in a previous battle. His sergeant ordered his troops to attack. He didn't move. The sargeant screamed at his soldier. The soldier said, "Sarge! I lost my rifle in the last battle." Sarge looks around and finds a wicker broom. He says, "Point this ...

Sam signs up with the army and gets sent on basic training...

When they are handing out rifles, he is at the back of the line and they run out just before they get to him. 


The Sergeant gives him a stick and tell him to just pretend it's a rifle. 


So our hero goes running through the mock battle pointing his stick and yelling, "Bangid...

How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. British light fittings use bayonet connectors.

OK, it's not that funny, but at least it's accurately observed.

A man walks into a BAR

and dies instantly from the bayonet strapped to the end of it.

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My history teacher told me a joke about WW2 today...

If you have unknown troops in front of you and you want to find out who they are, fire a few rounds in their direction.

If you are met with precision machine gun fire, they’re German.

If you are met by a volley of precision rifle fire, they are British.

If they surrender, they’r...

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An old joke from my great-grandfather.

*read this in a southern accent*

Our story today takes place back in World War 2, the sequel.

So one day, old Uncle Sam pointed to our friend, a man we'll Bubba, and said "I want you!"
So Bubba, a good man he was, said "alright." And went and joined the army.
The day comes when...

An American soldier

is fighting in Germany in World War II. The battle is so intense, men are dropping everywhere. Finally, the Americans run out of ammunition. In a panic, a soldier approaches his Sergeant. "Sarge, we're out of ammo! What are we going to do?" The Sergeant looks around, and all he can find is a broom. ...

A reporter was interviewing members of the Army, Navy and Air Force in Afghanistan...

He asked them what they would do if they woke up and found a camel spider in their tent.

The soldier said "I would leap on it and kill it with my bayonet."

The sailor said "I would crush it to death with one of my sea-boots."

The pilot said "I would call reception and ask them w...

It's time to go to war!

Two armies at war. Red v Blue (let's say).. the Blue army Master Sergeant comes up to the First Sergeant.

MS: "Sir! We are completely out of weapons and ammo. What are we going to do when Red attacks tomorrow?"

FS: "Well.. (He ponders for a sec) When you see them come over the hill, go...

"When out of ammunition, just hold your hand as if you were holding a gun, and say 'bang bang'"

It was just before a critical offensive, and the troops were being issued their weapons. Lenski was last in line, and they handed out the last rifle to the man in front of him. Furious, Lenski shouted, “Hey, what about my gun?”
“Listen, bud,” advised the munitions officer, “just keep your hands o...

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The tale of Paul and Old Joe

There once was a man named Paul who, after some trouble with the law, found himself homeless behind a fast food joint just outside of Wichita, Kansas. He stayed there for a few days, drinking from the bathroom sinks and eating scraps from the trash, when an old rancher named Joe found him and took p...

Army budget cuts

It was near the end of basic training and all the soldiers were getting ready for the war. A private came charging into his Lieutenant's office and said " Lieutenant, we don't have enough rifles. What am I going to use for the war?"

"I don't have time to deal with this right now" the lieutena...

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A story about morals

Teacher in school asks if anyone has a story with a moral at the end

Timmy puts his hand up and says "I do miss" teacher nods for him to proceed with his story

Timmy explains this story is about his grandad in WWII.

"My grandad was in a big battle during the war, all his other s...

Guy joins the Army...

... but they are out of bayonets and ammo. They tell him to run into battle yelling "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!"

Much to his surprise, enemy soldiers are dropping all around him.

Then, this really big enemy comes over the hill. The guy yells, "Bangitty bangit...

A young Private

A new Private arrives on the front lines during world war 2. When he gets there he is told by the Armory Sergeant that resources are stretched thin and they have no rifles to give him, but they still expect him to go on patrol. He asks the Sergeant what he should do if he has to fight? The Sergeant ...

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman..

..are in the trenches surrounded by the enemy with no way of escaping The Englishman sees three sacks and says right boys follow my lead.
They each get in a sack and as the enemy approaches they poke the bag with their bayonetted.

"Meow meow" says the Englishman.
"Ah it's just some ki...

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Little Johnny returns to school after Thanksgiving break,..

and the teacher asks the class if anyone had an experience they learned from over the vacation.
The first child raises their hand and says, "I spilled my milk at dinner and I learned not to cry over spilled milk."
The teacher says very good and calls on Little Johnny next.
Johnny lau...

Once there was a man named Zade Zazinski...

Once there was a man named Zade Zazinski. Zade was always last for everything due to his name. Everything always seemed to run out before Zade received his portion. Schoolbooks, supplies, food rations. Disappointed, Zade joined the military out of high school thinking that he would be treated eq...

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Private Snafu joins the army.

Always last in line for mess, roll or runs, he was also last in line when they passed out equipment. When he gets to the guy handing out guns, the box is empty.
"What the hell am I supposed to do without a gun?!" Snafu asks.
The warren officer thinks for a second. Picking up a mop, he begins ...

A Finnish Soldier...

In the winter war in 1945 is getting in line for a rifle. The man behind the counter says "sorry, the guy in front of you got the last one. Here, take this hockey stick, and if you see a Russian, point it at him and yell BANG!" The Finn finds this ridiculous but takes it, thinking he'll just fix a b...

Anti Sleep Treatment

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be abl...

So a young man joins the army..

So a young man joins the army, it was his life plan since he was little because his grandfather and father before him both served. He felt like it was his duty to carry on the family tradition.

So after he joins he goes through all his basic training and testing. A few months later he is bein...

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