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Godfather Jokes

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The Godfather’s relaxing at his social club...

...with his crew. The usual gaggle of young Turks waits in the wings, hoping to get noticed, hoping to move up.

The Godfather calls one of them over.

“Jimmy, I hear good things about you. They tell me you’re serious, that you can be trusted.”

Jimmy swells with pride.

“I ...

I met the Godfather of the Scottish mafia earlier...

He made me an offer I couldn’t understand.

The Godfather

An old Italian man was dying, so he called his grandson to his bedside: “Guido, I wan’ you to lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns... How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”

“Yo...

What kind of coffee does The Godfather drink in the morning?

An alpuccino

Was the horse head scene in the Godfather…..

A one horse slay?

What do you call sending an owl to Harry Potter's godfather?

Blackmail

A man joins the mob and becomes the personal assistant to the Godfather

One day he receives a text message from the boss. "I've been having problems with my wife. Please pull the plug and then call someone in to take care of the matter."

The man knows better than to question the Godfather, so he dutifully carries out the command. He shoots the boss's wife, and th...

The son of a godfather comes back home at the end of school year with his report.

The report states:

History A

Math A+

Science A+

Literature A

Geography B+



The father grabs a gun and shot him in the head.

The mother shocked and in tears asks: "why did you shoot him?!"

And the Boss: "he knew too much"

In the famous severed horse head scene in The Godfather they originally were going to use a Swordfish.

It didn't really fit in with the marlin brand-though.

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What did Harry Potter say when he found Dumbledore in bed with his godfather?

Are you fucking Sirius?

What do you call a swordfish that acts out scenes from the Godfather?

Marlin Brando

What do you get when David Lynch directs a remake of The Godfather?

Someone who makes you an offer you can't understand.

Did you hear about the astrophysicist that upset the Godfather?

He woke up with a horsehead nebula in his bed.

Did you know that Jesus was with the Italian Mafia?

It’s true! His dad was the Godfather.

My best friend Jay had twin girls.

But unfortunately he died on the way to the hospital and his wife died during labor. I was asked to be their godfather and I wanted to honor him so I named the girls after him.
Kay and Elle.

Vinny the Hitman's birthday

On his birthday, Vinny, a professional hitman, is getting ready to go out, when suddenly, a large group of mobsters shows up at hist front door.


"Vinny," say the mobsters, "it's your birthday. Come on, we've booked you an entire restaurant. Let's go."


"Oh my god guys," says Vin...

Baby sister told me this one attn Harry Potter fans

Sister: "Harry's godfathers middle name should be 'Lee'"

Me:"wait, whose the godfather?"

Sister: "Sirius Black"

Took me a minute.

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A priest was assigned to a new church

He was really stressed out during his first mass; he could barely speak to the people. Before his second mass, he visited his superior and asked him how to suppress his nervousness. His superior told him to add some vodka into his water and after a few sips, he'd immediatly feel more relaxed.
...

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Why I changed my name

Well, for my story to make any sense, I need to clarify that I'm somewhat of a celebrity in my country. I think even internationally people have heard about me, though I'm not too sure about it (fortunately the people who know about me also tend to be technologically a bit behind the curve, so you d...

A man goes to his doctor and says, “I’m dying!”

The doctor asks why.

The man points to various spots on his body and says, “it hurts here, here, here...”

The doctor replies, “you’re not dying, your finger is broken.”

Courtesy of my godfather’s friend.

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