Soviet Era Jokes

Stalin was visiting a small town in Russia. Huge crowd was there to receive him, holding signs with words of praise for Stalin, Party, Union etc.

Among them, secret police officers spotted a particularly old man holding a sign saying "Thank you comrade Stalin, for a happy childhood!".
... read more

A man walked into the Kremlin and told the receptionist: "I am a spy, I want to surrender to the Soviet government". The receptionist asked "Alright, what's your nationality?" "I'm American" the man replied. The receptionist checked his booklet and said "American spy, surrendering... Go to room 107.... read more

Natasha is walking down street in Moscow and sees KGB friend Boris walking toward her.

Natasha says, “Is that gun in pocket or are you just happy to see me.”

Shot rings out and Natasha falls dead on street.

Was gun.

Reagan is visiting the Soviet Union and arrives at the Ukrainian city of Odessa. Expecting a warm welcoming party by the people of the city, he is both shocked and offended that no one is greeting him at the city gates. The embarrassed Soviet officials scramble to find someone to fire the ceremonial... read more

Marxman.

While General Secretary Leonid Brezhnev is making a speech, a few men in the audience are arrested who turn out to be American spies.

"Brilliant work!" says Brezhnev to a KGB major. "But how did you know they were spies?"

"Well," said the major, "as you yourself have observed, Comrade ... read more

One can read, one can write, and the third keeps an eye on the two intellectuals.

(should be read in a heavy Russian accent, any grammatical errors are here to enhance the joke)

Old granny working for years already in factory who make Samovar. But old granny only is normal worker not member of nomenclatura so never earn enough money to also buy Samovar herself. Old granny ... read more

*This joke was told to me by a former colleague who was Russian, and had lived and worked under the Soviet system. He was a nuclear engineer there... and the only member of his team not sent to Chernobyl to help in the clean up. Anyway, like our hero of this story, I was fresh faced and a little hig... read more

....and tells the salesman he would like to order a car. The salesman says "okay, your car will be ready in 5 years."

The Russian responds "okay, that's not a problem. Will it be delivered in the morning or the evening?"

The salesman, flabergasted, responds "It's 5 years away, how co... read more

Chernobyl fallout

I waited 20 minutes for the food and then the server came and told me, "sorry we don't serve food here."

Sergei: So what did you two do to end up here?

Alexander: I was always early for work, so the government accused me of espionage and sent me here.

Nikolia: I was always late for work so I had to work later to make up for lost time. The government accused me of sabotage and sent me here... read more

when all of a sudden, the woman feels something wet on her head. She looks up and then turns to the man and says "Honey I think it's snowing". Looking slightly confused, the man replies "No darling, it is obviously raining". The woman does not believe him and they begin to argue.

Trying to a... read more

A soviet era joke....

An American spy goes to Lubyanka and says:

" I’m a spy and I want to turn myself in."

" Who do you work for?", asks the receptionist.

"America."

"OK, go to room 5."

He goes to room 5 and says:

" I’m an American spy. I want to tu... read more