Gulag Jokes

They get to talking about why there were sent to the gulag.

“I was sent here for coming early to work in the factory. I was accused of trying to put myself ahead of my fellow worker.” The first one said.

“Aye comrad I was sent for being late to work at the factory. I was accused of d... read more

One says: "We're really cut off from the news here. For instance, I never found out the result of the Fischer-Spassky chess match."
The other one replies: "Oh, I lost."

"So how long are you in for?"

He replies, "Twenty years." The veteran prisoner is surprised: "Twenty?? What on earth could you have done?" The new man replies indignantly, "I did nothing, comrade! Honest!"

The veteran says, "But the sentence for doing nothing is only ten years."

The father replies, “I don’t know son, I’m not interested in politics.”

Inmates discussing what they were sent to Gulag for.

"I was always 5 minutes late, so they sent me here for sabotage. You?"

"I was always 5 minutes early, so they sent me here for espionage. How about you, comrade?"

"I was always on time, so they sent me here for harming Soviet ... read more

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accu... read more

"Three gulag inmates are telling each other what they’re in for. The first one says: 'I was five minutes late for work, and they charged me with sabotage.'

The second says: 'For me it was just the opposite: I was five minutes early for work, and they charged me with espionage.'

The t... read more

The man panics and hides the parrot in the freezer. The KGB ransack the house and can't find the parrot. After they leave the man takes the parrot out of the freezer and says "you see how stupid the government is". The parrot shaking start saying "Putin is a genius", and "Putin is the best democrati... read more

They start talking about why they’re there.

The first man says “I’m here because I spoke out against Trotsky.”

The second man says “I’m here because I spoke out in favour of Trotsky.”

The third man says “I’m Trotsky.”

One of the men asks the other, "What are you in for?"

He responds, "I opposed Comrade Popov in 1937. What about you?"

The first man replies "I supported Comrade Popov in 1938. How about you?" he asks the third man

The third man says "I am Comrade Popov."

He heard about the world chess championship match ended recently, but no one there knows the result. When a load of new prisoners arrived, he asked one of them:
- Do you know the result of the world champion match?
- Yes, I lost

Sergei: So what did you two do to end up here?

Alexander: I was always early for work, so the government accused me of espionage and sent me here.

Nikolia: I was always late for work so I had to work later to make up for lost time. The government accused me of sabotage and sent me here... read more

The first man asks the second, "So, why are you here?"

The second man replies, "I'm here because I criticised the former Premier"

The first man is confused and says, "that's strange; I'm here because I spoke out in *favour* of the former Premier"

They then turn to the third man ... read more

Three prisoners meet in a Gulag in Soviet Russia.

They tell each other what are they there for.

The first one says: "In 1930, I made a negative review of comrade Ivanov's work."

The second one says: "In 1930, I made a positive review of comrade Ivanov's work."

The third o... read more

"What did they arrest you for?" asks the first. "Was it a political or a common crime?"

"Of course it was political." says the second prisoner, "I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be repl... read more

The guards ask: what did you do?

The man replies: Nothing

The guard angrily shouts: Liar! for nothing you get only 5 years

Upon his arrival, he is asked by another prisoner, “How did you get ten years?”

He responds, “I did nothing!”

The prisoner says to him, “Don’t lie to me now! Everyone knows that nothing gets you five years!”

1 year for insulting a political officer,

30 years for revealing a state secret

""Nothing! They gave me 10 years for nothing!", the new inmate said.

"Oh come on, don't lie to us!", replied the other inmate; "Everyone knows 'for nothing' is only 5 years!"

The first says, "I'm here because I spoke out against Nikolai Yezhov"


The second says, "I'm here because I spoke out in favor of Nikolai Yezhov"


Then, the two of them look at the third and recognize him. The third says, "Yes, it's me--Nikolai Yezhov"

*Who's there?*

Putin

*Putin who?*

Putin you in the gulag.

A man in russia was arrested and sentenced to 25yrs in gulag.

He was sentenced 5yrs for saying gorbachev was an idiot, and a 20yr sentence for revealing state secrets.

Hah, gulag with that.

They ask each other the reason for incarceration.

"I spoke in favour of Fyodor Antonovich.", says the first.

Surprised the second remarks, " I spoke against Fyodor Antonovich."

With a sigh the third one says,"I am Fyodor Antonovich."

REEEEEEEEEEE-education

Gulag jamun

A colleague asks him what's so funny

"I just heard one of the best jokes I ever heard"

"Awesome! What's the joke?"

"I can't, I just sent someone to the GULAG for it"

But there is a U in gulag.

One day the KGB went to the apartment he lived and arrested him. The occupant of the apartment knew that he was gonna die so they didn't make a fuss out of it. But after a week much to the apartment's occupant surprise, the man returned relatively unharmed except for some bruises so the occupant ask... read more

Just like the Gulag

Gulag gualg gualg

Another judge stops him and asks what's so funny.

"Oh man, I just heard this joke about Comrade Stalin in my courtroom."

"I wan't to hear it" says the second judge.

The first judge says, "No way, I just gave someone 25 years in the gulag for it."

he left the right wing in the gulag

"Do you want to come to my house?", she asks.

"I can't, I'm sending people to Gulag", Stalin replies.

"My parents aren't home..."

"I know."

Joseph Stalin walked into a room with a poster board that says G_LAG. He asks everyone in the room, “You know what letter is missing from this word? U. You! You! You!” He shouts “You!” as he points at everyone in the room and has them sent off to the gulags in Siberia.

A Soviet judge exits a courthouse after a trial. He is laughing hysterically as a friend greets him.

The friend asks, "Why are you laughing?"

The judge answers, "I think I just heard the funniest joke I've ever heard."

The friend says, "Come on, tell it to me."

The judge ... read more

Here's one I have heard about the gulag. A little background: many jokesters ended up doing time in Siberia, and obviously couldn't be heard telling jokes while they were there. So, they invented a system where each joke was identified by a designated number.
Let's call [this joke](http://www.red... read more

... and a soldier oversees the symbols and assumes he's a spy communicating in a form of code. The composer is arrested and brought to the Gulag where he pleads "Please, it's just Tchaikovsky's violin concerto!". Later that day he is brought to an interrogation room and sits down, a Soviet officer w... read more

Stalin: My hobby?

Interviewer: Yes.

Stalin: Well, I collect political jokes.

Interviewer: How many have you collected?

Stalin: 2 and a half Gulags