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Marxist Jokes

What do you call a country that was once Marxist and now might turn Marxist once more?

Remarxable

A guy called me a c*nt after I told him I'm a Marxist.

Basically, for telling him about my plans to seize the means of production, he called me a means of reproduction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a Marxist I could never play CoD,

because I refuse to create a class.

How did the marxists get around?

The Prolechariot.

A socialist, a nihilist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks

"We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.

A Marxist-Leninist, a Stalinist and a Maoist walk into the bar.

„You have to be 21 to drink“, says the bartender and kicks them out.

Why do Marxists only drink decaf tea?

Because proper tea is theft.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a Marxist jack off?

By seizing the means of reproduction.

Why did the shy person not become a Marxist.

Because he is not a Social-ist

if a Marxist rewrote the tale of Robin of Locksley, he would title it...

Little Red Robin Hood.

What’s the difference between a capitialist fairy tale and a Marxist fairy tale?

A capitalist fairy tale begins with, ”Once upon a time, there was...”. A Marxist fairy tale begins with, ”Someday, there will be...”.

So it turns out that Trump is a Marxist...

... he seizes women by their means of production.

Apparently Trump is a neo-Marxist

He wants to seize the means of reproduction.

A Socialist, a Marxist, and a Postmodernist walk into a strip club.

The bouncer checks their ID's and says

"sorry guys, come back when you're 21."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't really like Marxists...

...they have no class.

Why wouldn't the Marxist ever make a decent cup of tea?

Because he'd read that all proper tea is theft.

What do you call a cannibal that only eats Marxists?

. . . a proletarian.

Stalin visits a farm

One day, Joseph Stalin visits an agricultural collective. And so....

Stalin: Comrade, how much wheat do you have?

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, we have enough wheat to reach God!

Stalin: Comrade, as a Marxist, you know that there is no God!

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, as a Marxist...

Your mother is so classless...

.. she could be a marxist utopia

The most high brow yo 'mamma joke...

Yo mamma is so classless... she is like a Marxist utopia!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Word spread quickly that a meat shipment was inbound from Moscow, in the Russian Soviet Federated Socialist Republic.

Sure enough, in the early hours of Monday morning the line outside State Food Store no. 46 was already over two hundred people long, many whispering excitedly about poultry and sausages, despite the dark, bitterly cold morning. After hours of waiting, and still before sunrise, the Commissar came out...

A Muslim, an Illegal Immigrant, and a Marxist walk into a bar...

And the bartender asks, "What'll ya have, Mr. President?"

Screwing in a lightbulb

How many Zombies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, because they wouldn't fit and zombies don't screw.

 

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Thirty-one. One to hold the bulb and 30 to drink until the room spins!

 
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