A marxist, an anarchist, and a nihilist walk into a bar

“Sorry,” says the bartender, “we don’t serve anyone under 18.”

Why did the shy person not become a Marxist.

Because he is not a Social-ist

How did the marxists get around?

The Prolechariot.

Why did the Marxists only drink herbal tea?

Because proper tea is theft

How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. The bulb contains the seed of its own revolution.

What’s the difference between a capitialist fairy tale and a Marxist fairy tale?

A capitalist fairy tale begins with, ”Once upon a time, there was...”. A Marxist fairy tale begins with, ”Someday, there will be...”.

I’m a Marxist

Classless and moneyless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a Marxist I could never play CoD,

because I refuse to create a class.

A Socialist, a Marxist, and a Postmodernist walk into a strip club.

The bouncer checks their ID's and says

"sorry guys, come back when you're 21."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a Marxist jack off?

By seizing the means of reproduction.

So it turns out that Trump is a Marxist...

... he seizes women by their means of production.

A Muslim, an Illegal Immigrant, and a Marxist walk into a bar...

And the bartender asks, "What'll ya have, Mr. President?"

Donald Trump is actually just a confused Marxist.

He wants to seize the means of reproduction.

Why wouldn't the Marxist ever make a decent cup of tea?

Because he'd read that all proper tea is theft.

What do you call a cannibal that only eats Marxists?

. . . a proletarian.

Yo' mama so classless

She could be a Marxists utopia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Word spread quickly that a meat shipment was inbound from Moscow, in the Russian Soviet Federated Socialist Republic.

Sure enough, in the early hours of Monday morning the line outside State Food Store no. 46 was already over two hundred people long, many whispering excitedly about poultry and sausages, despite the dark, bitterly cold morning. After hours of waiting, and still before sunrise, the Commissar came out...

Stalin visits a farm

One day, Joseph Stalin visits an agricultural collective. And so....

Stalin: Comrade, how much wheat do you have?

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, we have enough wheat to reach God!

Stalin: Comrade, as a Marxist, you know that there is no God!

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, as a Marxist...

The most high brow yo 'mamma joke...

Yo mamma is so classless... she is like a Marxist utopia!

What do you call a Communist Mexican?

A Gaucho Marxist

Screwing in a lightbulb

How many Zombies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, because they wouldn't fit and zombies don't screw.


How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Thirty-one. One to hold the bulb and 30 to drink until the room spins!


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