UPJOKE

Sounds Like Jokes

“Queue” sounds like “q” followed by 4 silent letters, but…

They’re just waiting their turn.

What does 007’s doorbell sounds like?

Dong. Ding Dong

What sounds like a sneeze and is made out of leather?

A shoe

What sounds like a mouse, but much, much louder?

#**A MOUSE**

What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot! :)

My baby girl came up with this and most of the laughter just comes from her ecstatic joy of saying it.

Texas sounds like an interesting place

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.

When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, “Wow, these seats are big!” The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in Texas.”

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in th...

Making mirrors sounds like a good job

It's definitely something i can see myself doing

If you say "gullible" slowly enough, it actually sounds like"oranges"

Give it a try

My mother hates every girlfriend that I’ve ever brought home. So I brought home a girl that looks like my mother, acts like my mother, even sounds like my mom

Now my father hates her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What product is actually great even though it sounds like scammy shit?

Shampoo.

What's brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

Trombones.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!
I know should not laugh at my own jokes but I still find it funny haha

Boating sounds like a terrible idea on paper

But it's a thousand times better on water.

Twelve nipples sounds like a lot

Dozen tit?

I used to review strip clips. I know it sounds like an easy job

but I worked hard.

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

"Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' I asked.

It's not unusual' he replied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW]I Was Surprised When My deadbeat roommate actually had rent money on time

"Yeah, man, I got a job."

"Doing what?," I asked.

"I hang out in the alley and give blow jobs."

"Sounds like a hard way to make money."

"Nah, man, my very first night I made $300.05"

I scoffed, "Who paid you a nickel?"

He said, "They all did."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's got 8 legs and sounds like a vacuum sucking up honey?

Greedy bastard at KFC.

What has no legs and sounds like a dog?

A log

What does a norwegian guy sounds like when snorting cocaine?

snjort

Apparently if you leave your car parked overnight on the highway the next morning it sounds like you have more horsepower.

Nevermind turns out my catalytic converter got stolen.

When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying

It's must be too highly strung

So I asked my friend "What is something that sounds like a compliment but is actually an insult?"

To which he replied, " This is definitely a good question "



And then he left.

Brett Kavanaugh has stated that he will not be pressured into withdrawing his Supreme Court bid by the allegations made against him.

He sounds like the kind of guy who just won't take 'no' for an answer.

An Englishman saying 'beer can' sounds like...

A Jamaican saying 'bacon'.

Even with 4 million subscribers, /r/jokes sounds like a big empty hall.

I can hear jokes echoing again and again.

A children's museum SOUNDS like a good idea...

...but I would imagine it's hard to breathe inside those little glass cases.

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