I made a jacket entirely out of sleeves once...

It was my coat of arms!

JUDGE: I order you to pay $10,000 - do you understand?

MARIO:

JUDGE: It’s a fine.

MARIO [sadly]: No, itsa not.

Just saw a guy rolling up his sleeves.

"Cigarettes papers are probably easier," I advised him.

The secret fishing bait

An angler walks into a tackle shop and heads to the counter. “Give me the best bait you’ve got,” he says. “My buddy told me there’s a fishing spot down by the creek here, and he always get lots of bites when using your bait.”

The clerk pulls out a small jar of bait which fills the shop with ...

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Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.

He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicle...

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her: i like it when guys roll up their sleeves so you can see their forearms

me: [looking down and realizing i only have two arms] fuck

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After years of being plagued by extreme headaches,

*Disclaimer: English isn't my main language, there might be some mistakes here and there*

Jim finally went to see a doctor. After a lot of researching, the doctor said: "I have good news, but I also have bad news."

The good news is that I have found a cure for your extreme headac...

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Where did Hitler keep his armies?

...
...
...
In his sleeves.


Okay, how did he tie his shoesies?
...
...
...
With little knotsies!

So where did he keep his OTHER armies?
...
...
...
Poland.

Why do rednecks wear t-shirts with the sleeves cut off?

They have the right to bare arms.

People think they're being polite when they sneeze into their sleeves, but really

it' snot

What do you call a shirt missing its sleeves?

An ampu-tee.

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Guy named Eddie walks into the men's room at a bar.

As he's standing at a urinal, another fellow walks up to a nearby urinal. Eddie glances over and notices the other guy has no arms; both of the sleeves of his jacket are empty and folded over. Armless guy says to Eddie, "Hey buddy, do you think you could help me out?"

"What can I do for you?"...

Three expectant mothers are sitting around a table knitting sweaters for their babies to be.

The first mother says "I'm taking folic acid, I want my baby to have a strong immune system". The other mothers nod.


The second mother says "I'm taking calcium supplements, I want my baby to have strong bones". The other mothers nod.


The third mother says "Oh, well I'm taking T...

Three pregnant women are sitting in the waiting room

Three pregnant women are knitting sweaters for their babies in the OB waiting room.

The first woman takes a pill out of her purse and says, "I want my baby to have a strong nervous system, so I'm taking a folate pill."

The second takes out a pill and says, "I want my baby to have heal...

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Brad was successful and mostly healthy, but he had one problem...

his eyes bulged out of their sockets.

It had started in his teens, and while it didn't cause him physical pain, he had to put up with constant teasing about looking like an insect. It didn't help his dating life either; most girls liked him as a person but found his appearance too strange to ...

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The old farmer and his dear friend went to the market.

The market was full of various stalls stocked with agricultural goods & wares. Whilst browsing the plentiful market the old farmer couldn’t help but notice a busty blonde lady and he stared at her longingly.

“Corrr!” Whispered the old farmer to his pal. “I’ll pay a pretty penny to get me...

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A Small Man Goes Into A Bar

He goes up to the massive barman and orders a pint and a whiskey. He drinks the pint in one go and pours the whiskey into his top pocket.


"Same again, barman"


And he downs the pint and pours the whiskey into his top pocket.


This goes on for the next hour until he's h...

The magician's Publicity Stunt.

I asked a magician for an \[OC\] joke to post on reddit. (Yes, I asked a magician and not a comedian, I don't know many comedians personally, sorry.)

.

Instead, I got a long winded story of his most popular magic trick. He probably made it all up, but here it is.

.

It w...

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3 pregnant women are waiting i an ob/gyn office...

All three are knitting newborn baby clothes while thry wait.

The first one pulls out a pill bottle and takes one. "This is my calcium supplement", she says. "I want my baby to have strong bones."

The 2nd one does the same. "Iron for developing blood cells," she adds.

The 3rd o...

They lifted their blades in one last final assualt...

The battle was long, perilous, and gruesome. The twins made it through nearly three quarters of the enemy battalion before reaching the final lines of the fray. Wielding naught but rags and broken tools after their endless nightmare, they saw the end stretching over the thin horizon.

One last...

3 pregnant women in a lobby

Three pregnant women in a lobby are knitting. The first one stops and takes a pill. "It's iron" she says "I want my baby to have strong muscles"
They continue knitting except for woman number 3 who is looking confusedly at her knitting.
The second woman stops to take a pill. "It's calcium. I ...

Three Pregnant Ladies

Three pregnant women were waiting in the doctor’s waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for their respective babies.



Suddenly the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one.

<...

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Helping a person in need

A gentleman is at a bar. Feeling the need to take a piss he proceeds to the washroom. He notices an elderly man standing in front of the urinal looking around, his empty sleeves waving in the breeze. The gentleman takes pity on the elderly man with no arms and asks “do you need assistance?” To which...

Did you hear about the magician that only performed illusions with chocolate?

He always had a few Twix up his sleeves.

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An attractive woman walks up to the bar to order a drink.

As she's waiting on her drinks, there's a lone man sitting at the bar who's obviously had a few.

He looks at the woman and says, "Ma'am, you have the finest ass I've ever seen, and I would take a bite out of it, if given the chance."

"You better watch yourself," she replies, "because ...

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