UPJOKE
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Yesterday i went to the store for oversized boardgames

I kind of wanted to shoplift something, but the risk was to big.

A man was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized bag in the plane.

Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to put his bag in the overhead compartment.

"Do you always carry such heavy luggage", she asked.

"No more", the man replied. "Next time, I would be riding in the bag and my partner can buy the ticket".

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An old man and his lawyer have a meeting with an IRS agent

An old man and his lawyer have a meeting with an IRS agent.

sit down in his office as the agent pulls out the man's tax records. "it says that the majority of your income is made by gambling, how do you manage that?". The man replies "I'll show you; I will bet you $1000 that I can bite my ow...

I love oversized clocks,

big time.

Yesterday I robbed the oversized board game store

It was a huge Risk that I was willing to take

A man died this morning when he fell asleep and drown in his oversized coffee mug. But he didn't suffer

it was instant

A clown puts on their trademark oversized footwear...

Hilarity ensues.

I saw an oversized belt in the trash but otherwise it was perfect.

I thought, "what a waist."

Parent buys an oversized raincoat for child

Child: But its too big

Parent: You'll grow into it

Child:

Parent:

Child: But I don't want to turn into a raincoat

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A couple of parrots

An attractive young woman who was scantily dressed and wearing a cross, approached a priest after 8:00 Mass on Sunday morning and told him in confidence, "Father, I have a problem… I have two female parrots but they can only say one thing", and then she whispered in the priest's ear, 'Hi, we’re hot…...

I am starting a sanctuary for oversized marine mammals.

It's called Habitat for Huge Manatees.

[OC. Hope you like!] Every birthday my Grandmother makes me hand sewn clothing as a gift and mails them from her hometown...

... Last year she sent me an oversized ascot. Now, I haven't seen her since I was a kid and I'm an average sized adult male now, but my sweet grandmother must have thought I grew into being a giant because everything she sends me is extremely large and I just can't fit anything she makes so I simpl...

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Born without a Torso

A young couple goes through the heartbreak of giving birth to a baby who has no torso--the poor lad is just a head. Still, they are good parents and raise him with love, hoping for a breakthrough from medical science. Then, just before the boy's fifth birthday, the parents get a call from their doct...

Three nuns are sitting on a bench talking about their vacations...

The first nun says, 'I just got back from Brazil, and they had the biggest bananas I've ever seen. They were this thick, and this long!', holding up her fingers to show the width and her hands to show the length.

The second nun says, 'Well I just got back from Florida, and they had the bigg...

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Medical Exams

Two brothers enlisting in the army were having their medical exams. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.

“How do you account for this?” he asked the brothers.

“It’s hereditary, sir,” the older one re...

In an alternate reality, bears speak and coexist with humans.

A prominent electrician (who happened to be a bear) employed several humans for various positions within his company. Some were in customer service, handling the phones. Others were on-site technicians who drove around town from job to job. One human, Mike, was hired to do two different jobs inside ...

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What do an uncircumcised penis and the kkk have in common?

They're both pricks in oversized hoods.

One day a man brought home a custom fan [Long]

One day a man bought a custom electric fan in the colors of his favorite sports team. It had a remote control and an ion freshener and all the bells and whistles. It even announced when the next game would be! It was expensive, but the man loved his team and well, summer is hot. His wife, none too h...

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Lady walks into a porn shop...

Lady walks in to a porn shop and asks for a vibrator.
The clerk says, "They're all there on the shelf Madam..."
She asks, "What's THIS one?"
"That's our anatomically correct Whicked Wang," says he.
The lady buys it and leaves.....Only to return an hour later.
"How about THIS one?" She...

A blonde goes into a store to buy a TV

She immediately sees one that, when turned on, has great sound and visuals. She tells the manager, "I'd like to purchase this TV please. "

The manager replies, "Sorry, but I don't sell to blondes."

The blonde is insulted, but decides that the TV is worth it. So she dyes her hair red an...

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