Scientists say that the Yellowstone super-volcano is overdue for an eruption.

Apparently the volcano has eruptile dysfunction.

What does baby volcano say to his volcano mom?


A man phoned to find out whether he could get insurance if the nearby volcano erupted...

They assured him he would be covered.

What did the Italian volcano say to his girlfriend?

I lava you!

What kind of dessert comes out of a musical volcano?

Bach Lava

A lava rock quit his job at the volcano today

Said they took him for granite.

Wouldn't you check the volcano everyday?

Pompei says "No"

What is a volcano's favorite spice?

Ground cumin

What do you call it when the rim of a volcano gets all dirty and smelly?


What did the affectionate volcano tell the Hawaiian homeowner?

"I lava you."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My most prized possession is a genuine traditional coffee pot hand crafted in an artisanal workshop on the slopes of a Mexican volcano.

It’s a proper Popocatepetl kettle.

The Calbuco volcano is very hot right now...

But everything around it is Chile.

What did 1 volcano say to another volcano?

That ash.

What do you get when you cross a Classical German composer with an erupting volcano?


(It came to me in a dream last night. I dunno man..)

My girl says I'm like a volcano in bed...


What do you get when you throw a chicken in a volcano?


The internet is so full of people making up fake stories for fake internet points that no one is giving any credit to the real heroes anymore...

Like me, who just yesterday beat up a volcano

Congratulations everyone!

Researchers have proven that we can jump in a pool of volcano.

but only once.

All of my posts consistently get too hot. Honestly on fire would better describe them.

Like I don't even try it just happens! But I swear if it happens to me one more time someone else better start trying to fence off this damn volcano.

A lawyer, a priest and a schoolboy were sitting side by side on a plane.

Suddenly, they watched as one by one, the engines stopped working as the ash from the volcano they flew over clogged them.

The pilot announced sadly, “There’s not a damn thing we can do. We’re going to crash. Thank you for flying with us.”

While everyone was panicking, the three went t...

Did you hear about the bird that lost all of its feathers in a volcano?

It was moltin'.

A cake in an oven

Society needs to stop discriminating, we don’t question a baker having a cake in the oven but as soon as I put 4 children and 2 horses in a volcano im the bad guy

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?


What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of the door?


What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a volcano?

Anakin Skywalker

When our son was 5...

I tried to get him with the old joke "What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?" The classic answer, of course, is "Finding half a worm." So I said "Hey Michael, what's worse than finding a worm in your apple?" He thought a few seconds, then said "Falling into a volcano?"

After I finall...

The cook promised a chicken that he will spare its life if it can guess their location.

In a state of panic, the chicken asked "What's going to happen to my family?!" The cook looked down with disappointment smeared on his face. "Help! Help!" the chicken clucked for his final minutes have arrived. "I need your guess now," said the cook as the deep frier began to sizzle. "A volcano, the...

The Princess with the cursed hand

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who had been cursed from young - any object that she touched with her hands instantly melted in just about three seconds, before disintegrating aftwerwards. She'd even killed her own father this way.

The Queen was desperate to remove this terri...

Yo mama so dumb...

...she argues endlessly that Frodo could have just ridden a giant eagle into Mordor and dropped the Ring into Mount Doom from the air, even though all the characters in the book say over and over again that Sauron can SEE EVERYWHERE and that stealth was their only hope of getting anywhere with the R...

An explosive knock knock joke

My 11yr old son came up with this joke

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting mountain

A man goes to find a Holy Knight of Trigonometry

His journey started after learning everything he could from his master, but he wanted to test his skills with one of the three knights. A long journey took him across plains, he had to climb dangerous mountains, sail across perilous seas, and even fly over a river of lava, flowing from a volcano tha...

My girlfriend said she wanted to experiment more in the bedroom...

I don't know why she got so mad when I put my baking soda and vinegar volcano next to the nightstand.

A brunette, red head, and blonde are taken hostage on a tropical island...

"Any last words?" They ask the brunette while pointing a gun in her direction.
"TORNADO!", she yelled.
They turn around and look for a tornado, the brunette escapes while they look away.

They pointed the gun towards the red head next and asked her, "any last words?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the end of WW 2, three soldiers - an Italian, a Japanese, and a Pole - were facing a Russian firing squad.

The Russians decided to shoot the Italian first. They asked if he had any last words, and he yelled "Il Duce!" The squad leader then gave the command, "Ready... Aim...." and the Italian saw his life flash before his eyes, and remembered his home near Mt. Vesuvius, and yelled out, "Volcano!!!" ...

He wasn't throwing up.

One day a guy walks into a bar he then asks the bartender "I'll take one of your strongest drinks."
So the bartender gets him a drink called Volcano and warns the guy that he is only allowed one of these drinks a night because they are so strong.
The guy finishes his drink and doesn't feel a ...

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