UPJOKE
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Clan-destine investigation

How do you tell a Scotsman's clan?

You put your hand up his kilt. If you find two quarter pounders - he's a Macdonald.

My Spanish friend is destined to save the world.

He really is the chosen Juan.

A very distinguished lady was on a plane

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: "Excuse me Father, could I ask a favour?"

"Of course my child, What can I do for you?"

"Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remov...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was Hitler Destined to fail?

*3 Reichs and you're out*

I always thought I was destined for Stardom

But then I realised my mass was below 0.08 solar masses.

I knew I was destined to be a psychologist not a magician...

...when I pulled a habit out of a rat.

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident...

a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, 'Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we were destined to meet and be ...

A young man was drafted and sent to medical evaluation

The doctor asked him to read the first five letters on the poster. He quickly replied “What poster?” after which he was relieved of duty.

Unfortunately, as he went to the cinema that night, he was seated right next to the very same doctor. Without hesitation, he tapped the doctor on the shou...

Im into both men and women but I’ve been single all my life.

Guess I’m just destined to be all bi-myself.

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