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Slapping Jokes

Me: *slapping my older brother in the face with his own hand*

Me: stop hitting yourself haha, why do you keep hitting yourself

Sister-in-law: ~crying~ is this why you wanted an open casket

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the so...

Slapping a comedian on stage at the oscars?

Say what you Will, but that’s a bald move.

Slapping someone usually wakes them up, but slapping them harder can make them fall asleep....

What if you slap them harder while they're sleeping?
They sleep 2x better?

Now that Will Smith has apologised for slapping Chris Rock, his conscience is clean.

His wife on the other hand, is Mr Clean.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Slapping Lie Detector Robot

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Slapping Old People

An old man and old woman are sitting on their front porch on a bench one day just enjoying the scenery. All of a sudden the old woman looks at her husband and slaps him across his face. He looks and her and says "What was that for?" She said "That is for 40 years of horrible sex!" He is quiet as he ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A human couple meets an alien couple

So naturally, they decide it would be fun to swap partners. The alien woman goes off with the human man and the alien man goes off with the human woman. The alien man and human woman get undressed and he asks her, "Is it long enough?" She replies, "It could be a bit longer I suppose." So the alien m...

The science teacher is in trouble for slapping his student

The parents phones says "I'm sending two coppers right now to charge you with battery."

He says "You can't charge a battery with two coppers. You need a copper and a zinc."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 2222 and John and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

John asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.

The Martian resp...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend told me "I'm breaking up with you because you keep slapping my ass to see it jiggle"

I said "Fine. I hope the door hits you on your way out"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got charged with sexual assault for slapping a geodude on the ass...

I think my life is over now that I've hit rock bottom.

I hated catholic school, the nuns were always hitting me with rulers and slapping me

Anything to defend themselves

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady was accused of slapping the buttocks of Dwayne Johnson

She hit rock bottom

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