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Slapped Jokes

I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.

Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".

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I slapped Dwayne Johnson's ass

I guess I've hit Rock Bottom.

Today I got slapped for telling a girl her hair smelled nice.

I hate being a dwarf.

what did 3 say after being slapped

What was that 4

A man buys a robot that slaps people when they tell a lie.

He decides to test it on his family at dinner that night.

The man asked his son, "Son, what did you do after school today?"

The son replied, "Oh, I just did some homework" and the robot slapped the son.

The son said, "Okay I actually watched a movie with my friends".

The ...

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my husband got slapped yesterday!

he walks into an elevator and sees a woman with huge breasts, and can’t stop staring. finally, she rolls her eyes, and says “could you please, just press 1?.” and he did!

I got slapped with a public indecency charge for using the toilet :/

Apparently the ones at IKEA are “for display only”

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Interactive joke

There was a man who lived in a 3 story house. **Remember: 3 stories.**

The man entered the house and saw his wife making an omelette. He told her "You're supposed to use butter, not oil." Immediately the wife slapped him and said "Who's cooking? Me or or you?"

The man went up to the se...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks "I bet that di...

A programmer and his project manager board a train headed through the mountains. They can find no other place to sit, except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it becomes quite clear that the woman and the programmer are interested in each other, as they keep looking at each other.

Soon, the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is the sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train finally e...

Mohammad, a child of Arab parents was enrolled in a school in New York. On the first day, his teacher asked, ‘What is your name?’ The boy replied, ‘Mohammad’.

‘From now on your name is Harry as you are in America,’ she said.

In the evening, when he came back, his mother asked, ‘How was your day Mohammad?’ He said, ‘My name is not Mohammad. I’m in America and my name is Harry.’ His mother slapped him and said angrily: ‘Aren’t you ashamed of trying t...

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So I was watching porn on my laptop when my roomate slapped his weed sticker on it so hard that it crashed.

Stickers and stoners can break my boners...

Why did the dwarf get slapped by the woman?

He said “your hair smells amazing.”

I never imagined Chris Rock getting slapped on national television…

But I guess if there’s a Will, there’s a way.

The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.

The Pope says to Trump, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they...

What do you call it when you get slapped by a blacksmith?

Will power

3 drunk guys entered a taxi

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you".
The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he d...

Why was Chris Rock surprised when Will Smith slapped him?

He thought one of Jada’s other boyfriends would have done it.

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A young man and his boss have to travel to a city 500 miles away. Due to cost cutting measures put in place by the boss, they take the train instead of the flight which was four hours faster.

As they entered their train compartment, the young man and the boss found themselves opposite to a gorgeous twenty something girl and her sixty year old looking mother.

Within a few minutes, the young man and the girl start giving quick glances at each other. After twenty minutes or so, the ...

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I followed Dwayne Johnson for an hour and when he wasn't looking I slapped his arse. He turned around and punched me in the face.

That's what happens when you hit rock bottom.

My MIL got slapped in public just for wearing a Trump hat.

My wife wasn’t even upset at me.

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a nun and a young woman are sitting in a train compartment

The train drives into a tunnel, the lights in the compartment have gone out, it is pitch black. Suddenly a loud SMACK! is heard, and when the train is back out of the tunnel, the Frenchman is in pain, holding his red cheek.

The Nun thinks: "He must have groped the young woman and she slapped ...

I slapped my violin out of anger

I got arrested for domestic violins

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A mother baking in Somalia

One day a mother was baking bread in Somalia, when her son thought it would be awesome to play white. So he threw flour all over him and said "Mommy, look! I'm white".

His mother slapped him instantly and said "Go to your father and show him what you've done."
His father slapped him i...

I hate being slapped with a sausage.

It's the wurst.

A blonde, a nun, a brit and a french guy in the train...

Four people are sitting in the passenger car of a train. A hot blonde, a nun, a brit and a french guy. The train goes into a tunnel, there's total darkness for a brief moment, and all you can hear is a loud slap. As the train is leaving the tunnel, sunlight lights the scene up, and a confused french...

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A man slapped my butt on a Christian young adults’ retreat...

Church officials advised me to turn the other cheek.

(True story of mine from a few years back, just making the best of it and laughing about it, please don’t take offense)

My wife slapped me when I told her I'm buying her a puppy for Christmas.

I thought she'd be excited to hear that she's getting a little husky...

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My girlfriend slapped me really hard because I ejaculated prematurely...

She says I got off easy.

An Arab man slapped his wife, and she was insulted.

She went to her father and told him, "An eye for an eye. My husband has slapped me, and you must avenge me"

So her father asked, "On which cheek did did he slap you?"

"He slapped my left cheek."

So the father slapper his daughter on the right and said, "Be happy, I have avenge...

Why did Markiplier slapped the fisherman?

Because he wanted his Fisch Bach

My mom just slapped me in a very high frequency

And it really hertz

The new girl at work slapped me today because I asked if she spits or swallows...

It seemed like a perfectly reasonable question, considering we work as wine tasters...

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In light of people getting slapped by the pope.

There was this poor old guy named Donald who hears that the pope is going on tour and will be parading through his town. Donald was very excited that he might get a chance to meet the pope and shake his hand. So he decided to make a plan. He thought that the pope would want to meet the richest man i...

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A man wakes up after a heavy night of drinking to his wife happily cooking breakfast.

Confused, he approaches his daughter for an explanation of last night when he arrived home. "You kicked in the door when you couldn't get your key in the lock, fell through the table and broke it, and pissed your pants." "Jesus! So then why the hell is she in such a good mood?" "When she tried to ta...

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A woman gets off a roller coaster at an amusement park. Feeling dizzy from the ride, she immediately falls to the ground, unconscious.

She wakes up to find a man rubbing her breasts. "What are you doing?" she asks.

"I was just reviving you," replies the man. "When I saw you unconscious on the ground, I lightly slapped you, but nothing happened. I rubbed your wrists, but nothing happened. I even gave you mouth to mouth, but s...

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I slapped Kim Kardashian’s ass once

I don’t like his music.

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A blonde woman strode angrily into the large store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.

The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"

The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that 'Pussy Treats' are for cats?"

Did you hear about the guy who slapped a Russian priest?

He was quite unorthodox

I asked her "Do you spit or swallow?" She slapped me and stormed off!

Anyway, I don't recommend wine tastings as a first date, it really seems to bother some girls for some reason.

Ouch! Meghan slapped Prince Harry in public.

He says that if she does it again, the Empire strikes back.

A cheesemonger slapped an Indian girl's behind then proceeded to ask her out

She told that munster to gouda hell.

I just got slapped by a girl for asking her, "Do you spit or swallow?"

I thought this was a very reasonable question to ask her, considering we were at a wine tasting session.

This is a joke we tell in Armenian, I think it comes out well in English too.

Little Johnny is in school one day when his teacher tells the class that she wants to hear each of them say a little about their families, and specifically what is needed in their lives.

The first student is a little girl, she stands up and says "my family is mostly happy but what we really n...

I got slapped at the club the other day

I went dancing at a local club, hoping to get a little action since it's been a while. I met this gorgeous girl and asked her to dance, a little emboldened by the alcohol. After the first song with her body so close to mine, she leans in and says "You smell good! Whatcha got on?"

I said, "Wel...

How do you describe the pain of getting slapped in the face 100 times in two seconds?

50 Hertz

I said that all pillows are uncomfortable and my friend slapped me.

He said that’s a very blanket statement to make.

When I told the waitress I'd have a quiche, she slapped me...

Apparently it's not pronounced like "quickie"

Why do boston carpenters get slapped by women?

Because they want to show women their caulk

When Chuck Norris made a joke about Will Smith's wife...

Will Smith slapped himself.

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