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Dab Jokes

Dab ton.

It's admittedly not the best joke, but it's not bad if you read it backwards.

If you spell Breaking Bad backwards, you will get "Dab Gnikaerb"

Which still makes more sense than Game of thrones\` entire season 8

My painting burned up when I dabbed my paintbrush on the canvas while it had the colour sky blue.

It must have been a lighter shade of blue.

I was carefully measuring out a dab of Cannabis extract for my roommate, when she said,

"Did you remember to-- Oh, nevermind; you're concentrating."

What did Fred Flintstone say when Barney asked if he wanted to get high?

Yeah, a dab will do.

I'm pretty bad at the dab, but I still do it on a regular basis

I guess you could say I dabble

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are three software engineers who find themselves needing a piss at their annual conference.

First one goes in, has his piss, comes out and after washing his hands he grabs a towel to dry them. And another, and another. Soon the bin is overflowing with used towels, but his hands are perfectly dry.
"At IBM, they teach us to be thorough"

Second one goes in, has his piss, comes out...

What is French Fred Flinstone’s Catchphrase?

Yabba-Dab-Adieu

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

Why did 10 have PTSD

Because it was smack dab in the middle of 9 11.

How do you stick things together like Fred Flinstone?

You add a dab of glue.

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A blonde, a redhead and a brunette all live in the same apartment block and are in the lift together.

The brunette notices a very questionable and quite fresh semen stain on the wall of the lift.
"Look at that' she said. The redhead looks and says " Is that what I think it is? That's disgusting! Who would do such a thing?"
The blonde goes over to the stain, dabs her finger in it, tastes it and...

Williams College and Amherst College have a long-standing rivalry.

One night, the Amherst students decide to raid the Williams football field and spray paint an A for Amherst smack dab in the middle of the field. They sneak out under the cover of the dark, and when the Williams students wake up the next morning, they see the massive A on their field. Naturally, the...

Flintstoners

Barney asked his buddy Fred, "How strong is his weed?"
Fred replied "just a dab, and see how it does ya'."
Barney, "Just a dab?"

Fred, "Yeah, a dab will do ya'."

So I was looking to get some weed the other day...

So I was looking to get some weed the other day, and I asked my buddy if he had any recommendations since I wasn't really feeling like hitting a bong or joint. My buddy he suggests dabs, said he had a buddy named Yaba who sold good stuff. I wasn't convinced since I'm not a big user. But he assured m...

What did the wizard say at the frat party?

Abracadabro.

Noted archeologist Fred Flintstein made an amazing discovery today in Sweden

He found remains of some primitive musical instrument and a small deposit of fossilized excrement. when asked about what they signified,

Fred Flintstein replied: "A dab o' ABBA doo."

Cold Cold Canada.

There was an elderly couple who lived in a small house, right smack dab on the U.S. and Canadian border. For several years the two goverments had argued over which nation the house belonged to. One day the elderly couple recived a letter stating that they were now considered full American citizens a...

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A cowboy goes to the stable

He lifts his horse's tail, and plants a kiss smack dab on the horses butthole.

Another cowboy sees this and yells, "What the hell are you doing?"

He replies, "I've got chapped lips."

"Does that help?"

"Nope, It just keeps me from licking them."

[NSFW] Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.

It was just After Eight.

They got off at Quality Street.

He asked her name. ‘Polo, I’m the one with the hole’ she said with a Wispa.

‘I’m Marathon, the one with the nuts’ he replied.

He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.

Then he slipped hi...

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A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender he's short on cash. He proposes that he plays the piano in exchange for some drinks.

The bartender agrees and the guy walks over to the piano and starts playing. The bartender and patrons are amazed at the beautiful sounds that are produced from this old piano. He plays several songs in a row. After about 20 minutes he walks up to the bartender and asks if that was worthy of a drink...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Mississippi Girl is flying on an airplane for the first time when...

...a smartly-dressed older woman sits down and arranges herself in the seat next to the girl.

"So, where y'all from?" the girl asks cheerfully.

The woman slowly takes out a handkerchief, dabs at her forehead and the corners of her mouth, and clears her throat before answering...
...

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Honeydicked

A married couple decide to go to a nude beach for their honeymoon.

As they are laying out enjoying the sun a bee flies right up between the wife’s legs. The husband rushes her to the hospital.

He explains to the doctor that his wife is allergic to bees and begs him to help.

S...

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A young man and his wife are about to make love [NSFW]

A bee flies in the window and into her vagina. Understandably, this upsets them both, the husband calls the doctor and explains the situation. “Just stay where you are, don’t move, and try to keep your wife calm,” says the old doctor.

After inspecting the situation, the doctor looks at the ...

A woman is opening presents at her birthday party,

and the first present she picks up is from the local florist, Max. She looks at the box and says, "I bet these are flowers" and Max nods his head. Sure enough, inside the box are flowers.

The second present she picks up is from the local candy shop owner, Molly. She looks at the box and said,...

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of cats and mustard

Three diplomats are discussing international politics while enjoying brunch in the crisp spring air.

"No more can Middle East be made peaceful", says the Russian diplomat, "than can cat be made to eat mustard."

"But a cat would certainly eat mustard." says the German diplomat. Spying a...

I’m proud of this joke, please don’t judge my work too harshly.

There once was a man named Ish. He was a curious guy, always trying to find out new things. He decided to take a trip all around Europe.

He went to France, Germany, Belgium, Portugal, and eventually ended up smack dab in the middle of Spain. He, being the curious guy that he was, immediately...

Walking the Dog... Who says dads can't think on their feet? And the innocence of little kids ...

A little girl asked her Mom,
"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom replies,
"No, because she is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says,
"Dad, may I take Bel...

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Date with La Barron

A woman was set up for a blind date with a French guy named "La Barron". She was very excited. He picked her up and took her out to the lake for a picnic.

La Barron laid out a nice big blanket at the top of the hill, overlooking a few trees and the water. He placed a basket on the blanke...

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So Ms. Delinsky is trying to get her 4th-graders to settle down for a quiz.

She's been having real problems with her newest year of students, who as always seem way rowdier than the year before them. She blames smart phones and internet memes for this. However, Ms. Delinsky a clever lady, and she thinks she has a plan. She's going to start a 'meme' in her class: Quiz Positi...

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