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Shoving Jokes

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My cousin was hospitalized after shoving 28 small plastic horses in his rectum

Doctors described his condition as stable.

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The best joke I’ve ever heard which never fails to make me smile whenever I remember it.(NSFW)

Three explorers get lost in a huge jungle. After wandering around for days, they are found and captured by a jungle tribe. The tribesmen take the explorers to their leader and drop them at his feet. The chieftain looks at them for a moment and says, “ The three of you will die unless you manage to d...

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A guy is walking up to a bar and sees a guy shoving his finger up another guys butt.

As he gets closer he notices that they're both quite drunk. His curiosity about the finger gets the better of him so he asks "Hey man why are you shoving your finger up that guy's butt?"

The man replies "We're really drunk so I'm trying to help my friend throwup"

Baffled by this he as...

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A veteran was telling his friend about the first time he jumped out of an airplane.

I was at the door and ready to jump when suddenly i froze in terror. The Sargent came up and screamed “if you don’t jump right now I’m shoving my dick right up your ass”. His friend asked “well, did you jump?” The veteran said “yeah, a little bit at first”

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I dreamed that my friend Dietrich was shoving hotdogs up my ass

It was my wurst nightmare

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I was about to write a joke about shoving a banana up my ass...

But it seemed too banal.

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A man walks into a bar with his monkey....

"Hey, you can't bring a monkey into my bar!" yells the barman.

"Ah, but he's trained and won't be a problem" replies man.

"Okay, but any funny stuff and you'll have to leave....what'll it be?" relents the barman.

"Just a beer would be great, thanks"

As the barman is pouri...

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What do you call a Frenchman shoving a baguette up your butt?

A pain in the ass.

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I saw my girlfriend shoving a calculator up her vagina.

I said, "What the fuck are you doing? You look like you're in agony."

She said, "It's what's inside that counts."

What's fowl and swine, but people can't resist shoving down their throat?

A turkey and ham sandwich.

I'll see myself out.

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I went to the Doctor for a checkup, and he started shoving toy horses up my ass

He looked up and told me my condition was 'stable'

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An elderly woman's husband keeps falling asleep in church

An elderly lady's husband habitually falls asleep during the sermon, so she meets with the pastor one Saturday and tells him "Give me a wink every time you notice my husband falling asleep so I can poke him with a hat pin and wake him up." The pastor agrees.

The next day, sure enough, during...

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Religion is like a penis.

I don't mind if you have one, I just don't want you shoving it down my throat.

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A visit to the doctor's

A guy went to the doctor's office complaining of a sore tail-bone.

The doctor gave him some pain-killers in a suppository.

When the guy goes back to the doctors' office he says "I don't think much of those suppositories you prescribed! They were a bastard to swallow, and for all the g...

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A man on vacation is having horrible stomach pains, and realizes he has a tapeworm...

The resort doctor taps on his stomach a few times, listening with a stethoscope. Then he tells the man, "Come back tomorrow with a banana and a cookie."

"Ummm... okay..." the guy says, skeptical. "What for?"

"Do you want my help, or don't you!?" the doctor says. "Just do what I tell yo...

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Religion is like a penis.

It's fine to have one, and it's fine to be proud of it.

But, don't go waving it around in people's faces, and for goodness' sake, don't go shoving it down our kids throats.

Does anyone else find that cucumber makes them burp a lot?

Or am I just shoving mine up too far?

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A bus full of nuns crashes and they all die and go to the pearly gates.

There they are met by St Peter. St Peter asks the first nun:

"Sister, have you ever touched a penis?"
The Sister replies:
"Yes, with the tip of my finger"

"OK, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy water and in you go"

The next sister approached St Peter and He made the s...

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3 men are ship-wrecked on an island

Where they are captured by cannibals. The cannibal leader says he'll let them live if they go out in the forest and grab 10 of the same fruit.

They all run off, when after a while the first person comes back with 10 apples. The cannibal leader then says, "You must shove them up your ass witho...

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This is classic Czech joke, I hope I transladed it well for you to understand the point.

Plane crashes on the island inhabitated only by cannibals. Only survivors are Czech, Russian, and American guy. The leader of cannibals tells them ,, everyone of us will bring us some fruit from the forest, or we will eat you”. American return with bag of apples, cannibals say ,, we will shove this ...

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A bloke notices a gorgeous bird giving him the eye in the supermarket.

"Do I know you?" he asks.
She says, "Aren't you the dad of one of my kids?"
He thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful and says, "Were you the hooker I fucked over the pool table at my bucks night, while your mate spanked me with a piece of wet celery while shoving that ma...

My wife asked me if I wanted to go bowling or if we would stay home tomorrow.

I replied; “I don’t feel like shoving my fingers in some holes where a bunch of weirdos have been inside before me. So let’s go bowling”

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Old farmer went to the doctor...

When the doctor comes in, the old farmer says, "Doc I haven't been able to shit for days."

The doc says, "I have just the thing for you." The doc then gave the old farmer some suppositories and tells him to take one when he gets home.

The farmer goes home and takes it and a day later...

Kids these days...

It was a very rainy day and the new kindergarten teacher was helping her children wear their galoshes. It was a tiresome job involving much pushing and shoving.

Finally it was young Barry's turn. The teacher pushed and pushed and finally helped him into his galoshes.

"You know," said ...

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