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Screens Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is in a coma

and the nurse tending to her notices that whenever she is sponge bathing the woman, the woman’s vital signs jump a little on all of the machines an screens. So the nurse calls the husband and says ’come down to the hospital, i think i know how to get your wife out of this coma.’ so the husband hurri...

As a middle aged man I love going up to pretty young women who are staring at their cellphone screens and asking

Are you my tinder date?

Some drug screens involve taking a strand of hair and analyzing it for illicit substances. It's called a follicle test.

Of course there are guys who try to beat that by shaving their head, but that doesn't work because the lab will just take a pubic hair instead. That's called the phallical test.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Small penises are like iPhones with cracked screens...

They serve their purpose but nobody really wants one.

Blonde dropped and cracked her phone screen.



Blonde 1: "Hey, I dropped my phone and the screen is cracked. Will they be able to fix this?"

Blonde 2: "Is it that bad?"

Blonde 1:: "See for yourself. I'll send you a screen shot."

\*After seeing the screenshot\*

Blonde 2: "Are you kidding me?"

Blonde 1:...

FUN FACT: if you fart and sneeze at the same time

Your body takes a screenshot

I apologize in advance

There was this guy named Barley Chown who produced knockoffs of famous designer brands, and was always trying to sell them in major retail stores. The head of purchasing at one store was named Sue Lee, and her policy was to never buy knockoffs as they competed with the more profitable designer bran...

You know you're poor when..

the Flies get together and fix the holes in your screens.

I met this man outside the street and we walk into a bar.

We had a small conversation. Then he brought up writing as the topic.

He said: "I want to write stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!"

I went out of the bar after my drink. Two week...

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