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Scaring Jokes

Scaring men is easy

I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is..

Scaring the postman

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.

I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I know where he lives.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother comes home from work to find that her kids are hiding behind the couch. She asks what's wrong, and the kids reply that Aunt Sally was in the house naked.

So she goes to her bedroom to investigate, and she finds her husband lying on the bed naked and sweaty. She asks, "What's going on?" He replies, "I'm having a heart attack."

She says "I'm going to call 911" and runs to the bathroom to get an aspirin. In the bathroom closet however, she disco...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 mafia members are walking through the woods, late at night

2 mafia members are walking through the woods, late at night

The first guy says to the other: "I'm gonna be honest, this place is scaring the shit out of me"

With a snort, the second guy chuckles and says "You're scared? I gotta walk back alone!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he says.

"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hidin...

My favorite hobbies are getting naked, and scaring people.

In that order.

Terrorist holding dad at gunpoint-

Terrorist: "Say your last words!"

Dad: "Your last words!"

Terrorist: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"

Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"

Terrorist: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"

Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long]The bull is scaring the cows.

Billy, a city boy, goes to visit his grandpa on the farm.
On his first day there, he goes to his grandfather: "Oy, gramps, your bull is fucking the cows."
"Oh my goodness, Billy! We don't talk like that here! We use the gentlemanly 'the bull is scaring the cows'."
"Yeah, whatever gramps."<...

Did you hear about the scarecrow that's great at scaring away birds?

He is just outstanding in his field!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ghost was arrested on charges of scaring a family to death.

Ghost: “I promise I didn’t do it officer. I’ll cooperate 100%.”

Officer: “You need to be completely transparent with us.”

...

Officer: “Shit. Where’d he go?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My best Catholic joke (as told by my priest)

A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship. The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressive...

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