UPJOKE
lifeguardlife preserverflotation deviceoftenpreservertenderattenderattendantlife buoylife beltlife ringlifelinesaviorselvhero

Lifesaver Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception.

She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said,”Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these.”
The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.
“I’ll give you a hint,” said t...

I donated 1 kidney and they called me a lifesaver

I donate two kidneys, they called me a hero.

But for some strange reason, when I donated three kidneys, they called the police.

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers and got rich?

He made a mint

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lifesavers: the candy with the little hole

The teacher distributes the candy to the children and they begin to identify the flavors by their color and taste.

Red is cherry, yellow is pineapple, green is watermelon, orange is orange.

The teacher gives them all honey lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste. Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher handed out Lifesavers to her class.

She began to ask the children if they could identify the flavor by each candy’s color.

Pretty soon, the class had identified red for cherry, green for lime, yellow for lemon, and orange for orange. So the teacher tried a harder question. She handed out honey-flavored Lifesavers. Nobody cou...

What can Lifesavers do that guys can’t?

Come in five different flavors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lifesavers, get a hole lot more outta life

A teacher gave each of her students a packet of Lifesavers candy and had them all identify the flavours by colour.

Red = cherry
Yellow = lemon
Green = lime
Orange = orange

Finally, all the class were stuck on the last lifesaver flavour, the translucent Honey flavoured lifesa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lifesaver

Two elderly women are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

One woman turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

The first old woman asks, "What do you do about it?"

The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

...A...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A teacher is showing her class how to associate colors with flavors.

She gives Sally a green Lifesaver. Sally pops into her mouth and says, "it's lime!"

The teacher says, "very good." And hands Timmy a red Lifesaver.

Timmy tastes it and says, "it's strawberry!"

The teacher says,"correct." Next she gives Billy a brown, honey flavored Lifesaver. <...

A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...

He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.

The dog spat out water and stood up— the lifesaver saved it.

"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"

"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "...

What do Lifesaver candies do that men cannot?

Come in 5 different flavors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two homosexuals bumped into each other one day in Bondi Junction.

After their customary intimate greeting, one of them asked the other, "Fabian, have you stopped smoking?"

When Fabian replied in the affirmative, his chum asked him how he had managed to kick the habit.

Explained Fabian, "It was easy really. Everytime I felt like a cigarette, I`d just...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A scottsman walks into a pub, looking down in the dumps.

The bartender looks up to see the miserable chap and asks him about his woes.

"Wanna know what's fucked up?" The man says with a sigh, "If you build three houses for the community, do people go 'oh, there goes McDonough: the homebuilder?' No, never. If you save five wee lads and lasses from a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher is giving a lesson on taste

So she hands out Lifesavers to all of the kids and asks them to identify the different flavors. They're guessing the flavors - red is cherry, green is lime, etc.

They named every flavor except for honey. None of the kids could figure it out, so the teacher decides to give them a hint: "It ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three disabled swimmers are competing in one tournament

First does not have legs, judges is asking him how he is going to swim he answers "You will see" and he is thrown into the water. He finishes the race using only his arms.
Second one does not have arms, again judge asks him how he is going to do it, he replies "You will see". He is jumps in to t...

The Hardest Question for a Man

A man has a wife that oftened ask the hardest question when ever they quarreled.

"If your mum and i both fell into the ocean, who would you rescue from drowning?"

He has always managed to deflect the question but it was getting harder to do so as time passed.

One day he shared h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Birth of Baby Ruth

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"

Well, she immediate...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.