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Santa's Jokes

When four of Santa's elves got sick...

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Christmas pressure.

Then, Mrs. Claus told Santa her mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When went to harness the reindeer, he fou...

Which one of Santa's reindeer do dinosaurs like the least?

Comet.

Why did the police department raid Santa's workshop?

They had probable Clause

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two elves walk into Santa's office.

Santa looks up and says, "Gary, Larry, how can I help you?" Gary and Larry look at each other, then turn to Santa.
"Santa", Gary says, "Are there any elf nuns in the workshop?" Santa checks a list and says, "No, I'm sorry but there are no elf nuns in the workshop."
Gary asks, "Well Santa, ...

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Santa's gifts

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl On her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket f...

Everybody knows Rudolph the Red Nose leads Santa's sled team...

...but few know that Bruno the Brown Nose is the second in line.
He can run as fast as Rudolph, but he isn't as quick to stop.

One 23rd of December, Santa's doorbell rings.

He opens the door and there is a little man there in a blue uniform with a peaked cap. "Evening!" he says, "...or whatever time it is up here. Hopkins, Civil Aviation Authority. It's time for your checkride".

Santa begs his pardon politely and Hopkins digs through the satchel he is carrying a...

What's Santa's race?

North Polish

A husband and wife are doing a crossword puzzle.

Husband: Programs for mobile devices. 4 letters

Wife: Apps

Husband: Adolescent, 4 letters

Wife: Teen

Husband: Contraction meaning failed to perform, 5 letters

Wife: Didn't

Husband: Take a life, 4 letters

Wife: Kill

Husband: Religious songs, 5 l...

What are Santa's favorite kind of potato chips?

Crisp Pringles

Why is Santa's sack so big?

He only comes once a year

How was Santa's divorce like a run-on sentence?

It was two independent Clauses with nothing between them.

What do you call Santa's assistant?

The subordinate Clause.

What's Santa's favourite heavy metal band?

Sleigher

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What's the similarity between Santa's presents and a horny virgin?

They both come in socks.

At Santa's workshop, there are no Christmas bonuses. Why not?

Because they're all elf-employed.

Where do Santa's elves make the just acceptable toys?

In the satisfactory.

Why is Santa's parking always free?

Because it's always ON THE HOUSE!!!

One of Santa's reindeer served in the army with Tina Turner

Back then he was known as Private Dancer

Why did Santa's wife leave him?

He was an alcohohoholic.

Which of Santa's reindeer is the most important this year?

Vaxen

-Santa's sleigh was hit by a car. Several deers died. What is left?

-The remaindeer

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Who's Santa's rudest elf?

Gofuckyours elf.

Did you guys hear about the elf who got tangled up in sleigh bells on his way back to Santa's workshop?

They said he jingled all the way.

I just got a seasonal job as one of Santa's helpers! That means...

I'm a subordinate Claus.

Who is Santa's favourite singer?

Elf-ish Presley

What is Santa's favorite computer task?

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