UPJOKE
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Everyone knows about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer..

But few know about Harold the Brown Nose Reindeer.

He was as strong as the rest, and could fly as high..he just couldn't stop as fast.

A woman is walking hand-in-hand with her husband on Christmas Eve In Moscow

They're having a nice night when, suddenly, they start to feel a bit of precipitation on their faces.


The woman looks at her husband and says, "Look, dear, it's raining."


Her husband tells her, "No, dear, it's snowing." Well, this argument goes back and forth for a few minu...

A Couple is Walking in East Berlin on Christmas Eve...

A couple is walking in East Berlin on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.

"I think it's raining," says the man.

"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.

"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the main. "Officer Rudolph, is it rain...

Everybody knows Rudolph the Red Nose leads Santa's sled team...

...but few know that Bruno the Brown Nose is the second in line.
He can run as fast as Rudolph, but he isn't as quick to stop.

A lot of people don't know about Rudolph's wife Olive,

but she is mentioned in the song: "Olive, the other reindeer."

Why did Rudolph go to the strip club?

He heard he’d see his good friend Dancer there.

Time for a Christmas joke...

Some time in the early 80s, during perestroika, a couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square in late December.
There was a fine mist in the air, and the couple are arguing.

I think it’s snowing," says the man.

"No. That's definitely rain ," replies his wife.

"Too cold for r...

Why was Santa so hesitant about Rudolph flying his sleigh?

Because Rudy was lit.

Who was the meanest to Rudolph?

Olive (the other reindeer)

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were ...

Why was Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer getting a divorce?

Because every time his wife went out, she'd end up blowing 50 bucks

How can you tell Rudolph the reindeer was male?

He was only liked when he was useful.

Why did Rudolph run away from Santa, get a tattoo and dye his tail purple?

He was a rebel without a Claus

Nobody remembers about Rudolph's wife Olive.

Olive (the other reindeer) used to laugh and call him names.

Rudolph the Red

There once was a young Viking named Rudolph the Red and his wife Freydis. Freydis decided to have a walk with her husband, but when she told him of her plans he took one look at the sky grunted and said it was going to rain. Freydis was confused a there were no clouds in the sky. Later on in the day...

Rudolph had to ask Santa why Dasher and Dancer are always taking coffee breaks?

Santa: Because those two are my star bucks.

One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red looked outside and said "It's going to rain!"

His wife asked "How do you know?"

He smiled and answered proudly, "Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

Why is the world's funniest joke not in Rudolph the Reindeer's joke book?

Because the real joke is in Comet's!

Rudolph the Russian visits New York

His host and wife take him out to dinner. On the way it begins to lightly rain, the wife says “Oh look it’s snowing!” Rudolph replied, no it’s rain. The wife again says, “It’s snow!” The husband getting embarrassed settled the argument saying, “Rudolph the red knows rain dear.”

A couple of tourists are taking a tour of Moscow.

As they are walking, the husband feels a drop of water fall on his face. He turns to his wife and says “I think it’s raining.” “No, it is definitely snowing.” Replies his wife. They started to argue, and the husband says “let’s not bicker, let’s ask our tour guide Rudolph whether it is officially sn...

A Swedish Farming Village in 1265...

...is facing a crisis. They haven't had any rain in almost 2 months. All of their crops are dead or dying, and many of the citizens are starving.

One day, Sven comes bursting into his kitchen, scooping his wife Helda into his arms and dancing with joy.

"Sven! What's gotten into you? Wh...

People never talk about the 12th reindeer, probably because she's so rude to Rudolph

Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names

Viking warlord Rudolph the Red is awoken suddenly in the night.

Opening his eyes, he turns over to look out his window. A loud pattering sound fills his hut. “What is that?” asks Rudolph’s wife.

Rudolph gets out of bed to get a closer look outside. After a few seconds of observation, he comes to a conclusion. “It’s raining,” he informs his wife. Sleepily...

A Viking by the name of Rudolph the Red looked out his window.

He turns to his wife and says, Bring the little ones inside, it looks like its going to be a wet day. His wife says “why do you say that” he looks at her and says
“Because Rudolph the red Knows Rain Dear”

(Merry Christmas You Filthy Animals)

Who was Rudolph's often snubbed, always forgotten brother?

Olof the other reindeer...

Little known Christmas fact #37: Due to the hot weather throughout the Middle East, Santa unhitches Rudolph and the crew and swaps to...

Bahrain deer.

One Christmas Eve, many decades ago, Santa Claus announced to his elves, "I'm supposed to begin my annual flight in one hour. But there are still some toys that need to be made and put into my sack. I need all seven of my elite toymakers to finish the toys on time."

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Kringle," said the elf in charge of the workshop. "One of the elite toymakers is on vacation, and two are sick. I'm afraid we only have four elites tonight."

"So be it," said Santa.

It took two hours for the elves to finish making the toys. By the time they were done...

There was a russian man named Rudolph, a high ranking member of the KGB

One evening Rudolph and his wife, were walking along, and it began to snow.

"My, my, look at the lovely snow," said his wife.

"No, that is not snow, that is rain!" replied Rudolph.

"No, no, no, this is snow," she said.

"Look, there is a palace guard, we will ask him."...

Everyone knows how Bert the Brown Nose reindeer got his name, but nobody knows how Rudolph did

Rudolph the regular nose reindeer was on sabbatical and took a brief trip through Portland Maine.

While Rudolph and his life partner Gary were there, they spotted a fortune teller on the other side of the street. As the pair crossed the road, a truck carrying industrial red naval paint swerv...

What did Rudolph the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?

This will sleigh you.

There used to be a girl nicknamed Rudolph at my school, not because she had a red nose...

...but because she used to go down in history.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yankel the Jew is walking in town one day. He is walking by the stores, admiring all the storefronts and the products they offer.

Suddenly, he notices a peculiar sign on the window of a pet store: "Talking Parrot! Can have real conversations!"
He went inside and inquired about the parrot. As he was shown the parrot, the parrot squawks, "Hello, how are you! I'm rudolph!" In near perfect english and the parrot holds out his w...

Two elves are winding down in the North Pole bar after a long day of making toys.

After downing some shots of peppermint schnapps, the first elf says to the second, “That COVID outbreak in China has really messed up the toy production schedule. I don’t think Santa has ever pushed us so hard!”.

The second one added, “Yeah, things were so bad today that Rudolph and Blitzen...

During the Cold War, there was an East German couple who were outside one evening when it was lightly precipitating...

They got into an argument, the man claiming it was raining, and the woman claiming it was snowing.

During the heat of the argument, they spotted a well known local official walking past.

The wife exclaimed, "We will ask Brother Rudolph for the official word from the Party!"
...

Did You Ever Hear About Christopher, The Brown-Nosed Reindeer?

He could run just as fast as Rudolph, he just couldn't stop as quick...

A couple walks down the street.

They talk about many things as they walk but eventually shift the topic of conversation to the weather.

The husband says, "Honey, we should hurry up before it starts to rain."

To which the wife replies, "I know these clouds dear, it is not going to rain."

The discussion goes on ...

A man and a woman were walking in a park

They started arguing about whether it was raining or not. To settle the debate, they decided to ask a communist named Rudolph sitting near by. Upon asking, Rudolph told them that it was raining. "See I told you", the husband says."Rudolph the red knows rain,dear"

What did the wife name her newborn quintuplets?

Adolf, Rudolph, Get-off, Stay-off and F-off.

A Russian Christmas joke...

There once was vicious Russian Czar named Rudolph the Red. On a cold winter day, he looked out his castle window and remarked to his wife, "I do believe it's raining." His wife replied, "Rudolph, It's far too cold for rain, it must be sleet or snow."

He yelled back angrily, "Impossible! Rudo...

my favorite joke I heard in school

Rudolph was a child adopted from Russia. One day Rudolph and his brother are arguing if it is raining or snowing outside. Rudolph says it raining and his brother says its snowing. They decide to ask their mother what she thinks. Their mother says its raining. When his brother asked why she agreed wi...

A couple was walking in Moscow in the 1970s

The husband looked up at the sky and said "It looks like it's going to rain. We should probably try to get home." His wife disagreed, and said "I don't think so. I'd like to just keep walking." They continued on their walk for a while, but the husband still thought it was going to rain. So he walked...

The twelve days of Jokemas, day three

What do you call Rudolph with an umbrella?

A Raindeer

Who is the loneliness Reindeer on their birthday?

I know you're thinking it's probably Rudolph, but, let's just say no one wants to go to Donner party.

Xmas cheer

What's red and smells?

Rudolph's nose

Russian weather joke

I was in Russia with my wife and the weather was a little bit weird. I insisted that it was rain, my wife insisted it was snow.

We decided to ask one of the Russian Communists there. I introduced myself and he said his name was Rudolph. I then asked about the weather. And he said it was clear...

Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer died today over Barcelona. He was struck by a flock of seagulls and a 747.

Eyewitnesses say the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.

911 - A Parody Of Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow, on a pair of broken skis


Over the hills we go, crashing into trees!


The snow is turning red, I think I might be dead,


I woke up in the hospital with stitches in my head, oh!


9-1-1, 9-1-1, Santa Claus is dead!


...

A Viking’s Wisdom

There was once a great Viking warrior named Rudolph the Red. He was known far and wide for his wisdom and experience.

One day while enjoying his morning coffee with his wife he stared out the window. He then turned to his wife and said “It looks like a storm is coming.”
“How can you be sur...

The freakin' weather

Back during the days of the former Soviet Union, a fellow by the name of Gerald Chattington had a friend in the Soviet Embassy by the name of Rudolph Nosov, who would drop by occasionally.

One evening, Gerald and his wife, Peg, were sitting in the kitchen chatting when Gerald looked out the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nazi

Rudolph Hess edited Mein Kampf for Adolf Hitler, making him the first grammar Nazi.

Rain or Snow

A husband and wife went on vacation to St Petersburg. One night they were there, precipitation fell from the sky.

"Oh look, it's snowing!" said the wife.
"No, that's rain," the husband argued.

Unable to settle if it was raining or snowing, they decided to ask the first person they s...

A man and women are walking together in Soviet era Russia...

when all of a sudden, the woman feels something wet on her head. She looks up and then turns to the man and says "Honey I think it's snowing". Looking slightly confused, the man replies "No darling, it is obviously raining". The woman does not believe him and they begin to argue.

Trying to a...

My dad's lame holiday joke

During the holiday season, a man is aimlessly drifting around a shopping center, wondering what to get his wife for Christmas. Wandering into a pet store, he asks the shop assistant, "Hey, buddy, you got anything with a Christmas-type theme in here?"

"Well, there is Chet, the parrot," the...

Always trust the soviet weather man.

A couple were visiting an art gallery in soviet St. Petersburg when they looked out of the window and saw the weather starting to look quite cloudy. The wife turned to her husband and said "We should get back to the hotel,I think its going to snow!" Before her husband could reply their tour guide le...

How the Angel Came to be on Top of the Christmas Tree

There had been no snow during the entire month of November, and there
didn't appear to be coming any snow any time soon, either. The elves in
the bicycle department had been on strike since October, and there was the
possibility that the elves in the doll department might join them.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman walks into a pet shop looking for a bird. The employee of the pet shop walks up to her and asks, "What are you looking for?"

The woman explains she wants a bird who can sing. The employee explains "We have one, but he only sings Christmas songs". The womans says "well I'd love to see it!" The employee walks into the backroom and brings out a pretty, brown parrot. "His name is Chet and he only sings when you light a fire u...

A farmer sitting on his porch

A farmer is sitting on his porch, when he hears a loud crash behind his house. So he grabs his gun takes off out back and sees his outhouse destroyed reindeer laying on the ground Santa's sleigh laying on its side. Then Santa stands up, yelling "Rudolph, you idiot I said the Schmidt house! "

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Is there a little angel on top of the Christmas tree?

Many years ago, on Christmas Eve, everything went wrong at the North Pole. Mrs Claus was on the rag, the reindeer had the runs, the elves were on strike and Rudolph hit the bottle pretty hard.

Santa was pretty pissed-off and about to explode when the little angel walked in with a freshly cut ...

In the Oval Office

Donald Trump and Rudy Guiliani are in the Oval Office and are arguing about the weather. Trump says it's snowing, while Guiliani says it's drizzling. Melania enters the room, and sees the argument in full display. Finallly she interjects by saying, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear," and leaves the ...

A Russian man was making small talk with his wife about the weather...

"Looks like rain today doesn't it?" but his wife insisted...

"Rudy, my love, the weatherman says it will clear up before lunch."

"No, zayka, I feel it in my bones. It is going to rain."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Oh, Rudolph the Red knows rain dear..."

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