If I made a movie about the Alamo

I would call it “Cowboys vs. Aliens”

A UN delegation was flying across the Atlantic...

A Brit, a Frenchman, an American, and a Mexican are told by the pilot that they are too heavy and may crash.

They pop the hatch and toss out all the luggage, but they’re still too heavy.

They rip out the seats and toss them, but they’re still too heavy.

The Brit stands up and...

Why did the Mexican Army only bring 5000 soldiers to the Alamo?

They only had 2 vans

I felt like I forgot something before I left the house, and, gosh darn it...

It was the Alamo.

Why were there only 7,500 Mexican's at the Alamo?

They only had four trucks

I just visited The Alamo.

It was a fine trip, but forgettable.

At The Alamo

So Davy Crockett and Jim Bowie were standing above the gates of the Alamo. When they looked down they saw 30,000 angry Mexicans out on the field.


Confused, Davy looks over at Jim and says, "Damn dude, just how much concrete did you order?"

What did Davy Crockett say when he looked over The Alamo wall and saw 5,000 Mexican Soldiers?

"Who the hell ordered a new roof?"

Why were there only 40,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?

They only had 2 trucks

Why did 5000 Mexicans show up to fight at the Alamo?

They only had two cars.

What did David Crockett say when he looked over the Alamo wall and saw 3000 Mexicans?

Hey I didn't know we were pouring concrete today.

There was a...

...Englishman, a Frenchman, an Indian, a Mexican, and a Texan in the Airborne. The Englishman yells, “Long live the Queen!” and jumps out. The Frenchman yells, “Viva la France!” and jumps out. The Indian yells, Geronimo!” and jumps out. The Texan then yells, “Remember the Alamo!” and pushes the Mexi...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Texan, and a Mexican are on a plane.

The pilot says, “We don’t have enough fuel to make it, we will need to push out all of our cargo”
The people all push out every last seat and bag that they have, and the pilot regretfully tells them that it is not enough. He says, “3 of you 4 will have to jump out of this plane,”

The Engli...

How does Davy Crockett prefer his pie?

Alamo'd

Mile High Club

Airplane pilot comes on the intercom and says "folks, to save the lives of the other 127 people on this plane, 3 of you will have to jump."

Everyone looks around and finally a Frenchman stands up and says "in the name of France, I'll jump. Viva la France!" And he jumps out of the plane.
...

Arrogance

Back in the days when Los Alamos was a small company town, a noted theoretical physicist was called as a witness for the prosecution. Rising to take the stand, the great man smiled and nodded affably in the direction of the jury box.

This infuriated the defence counsel. “Your Honor, I don’t ...

A joke that is mildly racist

How.come there were only 1800 Mexicans at the Alamo?

Because they only had two pickup trucks

A Brit, Mexican, and a Texan are all on a carrier plane heading towards battle.

A Brit, Mexican, and a Texan are all on a carrier plane heading towards battle. The pilot over coms says

"There is to much wait on the plane, someone will have to jump off"

The Brit then goes to the exit of the plane and says,
"For the Queen!"
He then jumps off.

The pilot...

How does Davey Crockett take his pie?

Alamo'ed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese man, an American, an Englishman, and a Mexican are in a plane. The plane's about to crash.

The pilot says over the intercom "The plane is about to crash, but if we jettison the cargo, we may be able to get back up."

The cargo is jettisoned, but there is no significant effect.

The pilot then says "The plane can only support one man other than me and the copilot, so the three ...

A Mexican, Texan, a Brit, and a Spaniard are on a plane...

A Mexican, Texan, a Brit, and a Spaniard are on a plane, and suddenly the pilot says, "We are crashing, but I will be able to land if 3 of you somehow get off." The 4 people look at each other, doubting anyone will jump. Then, the Brit jumps out, yelling, "Save the Queen!" The Spaniard then jumps ou...

A British guy, a French guy, a Texan, and a Mexican are all on a boat together.

They sail on for a while, when suddenly a storm breaks loose. The boat begins to fill with water. Realizing that sinking in inevitable, the Brit screams "God save the Queen!", and then jumps off.

They remaining three are fine for a while, but water is still pouring into the boat. Realizing th...

What's a Texan's favorite dessert?

Pie Alamo-de.

I couldn't recall where I had rented my car from...

...but then I remembered the Alamo

A Plane Has Engine Trouble

and the pilot tells the passengers that they need to unload some weight or the plane will crash. Unfortunately they can't get to the luggage and there are no parachutes, so in order to save the plane, three volunteers need to jump out of the plane and sacrifice their lives to save the others.
...

9/11 was too main-stream for hippies

That's why they never forget the Alamo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese guy, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan are all on a plane

A Japanese guy, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan are all on a plane.

There was heavy turbulence. The pilot said that three people needed to jump out, with their belongings as well.

The Japanese guy steps out. He gets a bunch of hi-tech objects, and says, "This is too much in my country," ...

Viva la

A Frenchman, a Mexican, and a Texan are sitting on a bridge drinking their drinks of choice. Suddenly the Frenchman throws his bottle of wine into the air and shoots it yelling, "viva la France!" The Mexican follows his example and throws his bottle of Tequila up and shoots it yelling, "viva la Mexi...

A Frenchman, a Cuban, and a Texan are seated together on a plane...

The pilot announces an engine failure in their small commuter craft. Shortly after, the second engine fails. The pilot, in an attempt to drop dead weight instructs all luggage and passenger items to be thrown overboard.


It isn't enough, they're not gonna be able to glide to safety. Th...

A small passenger blimp is going down...

A small passenger blimp is going down and has no place to land safely. In attempt to keep to in the air long enough to land, its cargo is dumped.

The blimp is still going down, however, and through quick calculations it is realised that four average-weighted passengers would need to sacrifice...

So this plane is flying over the atlantic.

So this plane is flying over the Atlantic Ocean. The captain comes over the loudspeaker and says, "One of our engines is malfunctioning but we should still make it to our destination just a little late.".

30 minutes and everyone hears a loud BOOM. The passengers get nervous and start looking ...

A British man, a Frenchman, a Mexican, and an American are flying in a small plane oven an ocean.

...And in the middle of their flight, the pilot announces that the plane is losing fuel to a leak, and all unnecessary luggage must be thrown from the plane.

Despite this effort, the fuel leak worsens, and the pilot realizes the plane cannot reach land with its current weight.

He tel...

This one's mainly for Mexicans and Texans.

What did Daniel Boone say to Davey Crocket when thousands of Mexicans charged at them at the Alamo?



"Davey.... are we pouring concrete today??"

4 men entered a plane...

...an Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and a Texan and were flying across the country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese man, a British man, an American man, and a Mexican man go skydiving together...

A Japanese man, a British man, an American man, and a Mexican man go skydiving together. As they reach the intended height, the intructor says, "One by one, strap on your parachutes and jump out." The Japanese man gets up, straps on his parachute, and jumps out, yelling "Remember the Emperor!" Next,...

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