UPJOKE
castlechessshort-changediddleconbuncodefraudswindlecheatchess piecechess gamecheckmatepawnscamfamily

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a rook and a bishop?

A rook moves in straight lines and a bishop has sex with young boys.

A chess grandmaster blundered his rook by moving it from the E file to the F file instead of the G file

What a rook-e mistake!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

cold lips

There once was a young apprentice shepard learning the ropes of his job at an old remote farm in the mountains. The old shepard took the young apprentice under his wing. "Looky here rook, you're going to be staying alone for the night at the farm. We've had problems with the wolves before, but if th...

Why is it generally a bad idea to marry chess pieces?

Well many would think of it as a Rook-ie mistake

While my roommate was sleeping, I dumped chess pieces on his head.

You should have seen the rook on his face.

How do chess players stay in shape?

They lift rooks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman complained to a co-worker that she hadn't been on a date in a very long time. The co-worker mentioned that a Chinese doctor had recently opened a sex clinic and she should try him out.

She made an appointment and the doctor asked her what her problem was. "Nobody ever asks me out on a date"

The doctor told her to undress completely and get down on all fours.

"Now crawr away from me rearry fass."

So she crawled across the room away from him really fast. and tur...

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?

I did it the other knight...

And I got rooked.

My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.

Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"

He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ed Zachary Disease

A woman couldn’t get a date and went to a doctor. He couldn’t find anything wrong with her, so he sent her to another. She ended up going to several before one of them sent her to a Chinese doctor who was known to be able to diagnose anything.

When she went in, she explained that she was sing...

A man walks down the streets of New York dragging a dead horse.

A passer by sees the scene and intrigued goes and asks "What are you doing dragging a dead horse in the middle of the city streets?"

Man says "Help me cross it the street and I'll tell you."

Passer by helps him out "Now will you tell me?"

Man says "Help me get it up to the 5th f...

When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.

Classic rook-y mistake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Poor poor woman. . .

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.
She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see Dr. Chang, the well-known Chinese sex the...

Chess is actually quite easy...

Knight takes Rook, King takes Queen, and Bishop molests the Pawns.

A man is having problems attracting women, but he's not sure why

**A man is having problems attracting women, but he's not sure why**. The man wonders if he might have a *mental sickness*, so he goes to the clinic to see *a specialist*. While he checks in at the counter, the receptionist warns him, "The specialist has a **thick accent**, but don't worry - *his ...

What do you call a chess blunder where you lose your castle?

A Rook-ey mistake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 50 year old single woman goes to the doctor...

She tells the Doctor that she's a virgin, and that she's never even been kissed. She's asked all her friends why she's never been approached, none of them have been able to explain it to her. She just turned 50, and she's sure it must be some sort of medical problem.

The doctor says he'll do ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman hasnt had sex in a long time (LONG)

A woman, named Ethel and in her 30's, is out with her girlfriends at a bar. Eventually, talk turns to sex and there are some laughs and sly whispers. Except Ethel starts silently crying.

Her girlfriends ask what is wrong.

"I haven't had sex in more than three years!", Ethel sobs.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chess Shop

A man walks into a chess shop, and going over to the small asian manager, he asks if he can purchase a piece.

The manager says, "Oh sure. Take a rook."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ed Zachary

A man goes to see an asian sex therapist because he can't figure out why he can't get a girlfriend and have sex. The therapist says, "Take off yoo crose and craw on rug reery fass!" The man does what he's told and he crawls naked on the floor. The therapist says, "Stop! I have diagnosis. Yoo have Ed...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.