UPJOKE
beplaceputreposesleepliestayslumberbreakpausestandkeepposeinactivityposition

Rests Jokes

The man who rests on his laurels…

….is wearing them in the wrong place.

— Harold Coffin

What rests on the ground between my feet and is covered in ants?

My ice cream cone. =(

*Inspired by actual events.

A miner rests his bones after a very long shift.

"I don't think I can keep doing this for much longer," he tells his buddy at the bar.

"You just need a little pep in your step," his friend says, handing him a prescription bottle. "Take one of these twice a day and then see how you're feeling tomorrow."

Hesitantly, but without much t...

What do you call it when you fail to break your addiction to mid-day rests?

Re-naps

The leg rests have taken over!

Fear the Ottoman Empire!

A guy walks into a bar holding an alligator. He gently rests it on the counter, and takes a seat.

“You can’t bring that in here!” the bartender exclaimed, motioning for the man to leave.
“Aw, he’s completely harmless, won’t hurt a fly I promise!” replied the owner of the alligator.
The bartender was not amused and again insisted that the man leave.
“Alright,” said the man standing up...

A man comes to work at a cemetery. Two weeks pass, he comes to tbe boss and hands in his resignation.

\- What's the problem, Pete? - asks the boss. - Are the benefits bad, the salary? Are you afraid, maybe?

\- No, it's not that, Chief, - the man explains. - It's just... I can't take it anymore. I'm walking around the cemetery, and I see a writing on a tombstone: *Here sleeps*. Then, a few ste...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, 'Where have you been?'
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, 'Look, Michael. Look what I've made.'
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, 'What is it?'
'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's...

Two engineers

[OC]

Two engineers were surveying their way across Texas when one of them says "I'd like to put a road here, but this lake is in the way."

His buddy's eyes sweep across the landscape until his gaze rests on the water.

Exasperated, he sighs as he says "Dam it"

A funeral stone: This is where rests in peace an attorney, a good and honorable man

A guy passing buy is shocked: " Wow! I never knew they can bury 3 people in the same grave."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man places his penis in a crocodiles mouth in front of amazed onlookers

He assures the crowd that it is a well trained animal and that he is perfectly safe. To demonstrate this even further he takes a full beer bottle and smacks the Croc over the head - all while his tackle rests in the animals jaws. The Croc doesn't budge, so he does it again! Nothing.
He turn and ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.