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Roost Jokes

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A rooster was looking to furnish his roost with cockle shells

And his assistant asked “in terms of a supplier, do you want me to call the guy from Miami Beach, the guy from Hawaii, or the guy from Hermosa Beach? They all have great prices on cockle shells”

The rooster shrugged and said “any cockle dude will do”

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Mrs O'Malley, who lived in a seaside town, was continually annoyed by the seagulls...

[NSFW]

Mrs O'Malley, who lived in a seaside town, was continually annoyed by the seagulls that would roost on her roof and leave their smelly droppings on her rose bushes.

One day, seeing a flock of them through her front window, she charged out of her front door waving her broom wildl...

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A vampire bat flies back to the roost with his face and mouth covered in blood.

All the other bats got excited and asked where he got it. "Follow me" he says. They flew over hills, a river and a dark forest.

See that tree over there? "Yes, yes" the others excitedly answered.

"Well I fucking didn't!!!".

2 Birds are arguing over what type of tree they are roosted in

The Whippoorwill insists its a Son of a Birch, the Cardinal insists its a Son of a Beech.

They ask their friend, a Woodpecker to settle their argument.

He responds, It's the finest piece of Ash i've ever stuck my pecker in

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REAL MEN

Three guys talk in a bar. Two discuss how they are kings in their castles and how much their wives respect them. The third guy remains quiet.

Finally, one guy turns to the quiet guy and asks, "What about you? Do you rule your roost?"

The quiet guy says, "Well, just the other night, my ...

A farmer walks into a farm supply store...

...and says to an employee, "You know, when I bought my farm it had a coop for chickens but I've never had any. I think I'd like to start raising some so what do I need?"

The employee walks him over to the area with the chicken supplies and gets him started with bedding for the coop, heat la...

A chicken farmer and his son went out to gather eggs one morning

They went in the hen house but couldn't find a single egg. As they left the hen house they saw several sets of footprints leading away from the roost.

Following them up and over a hill they found an abandoned campsite with a still smoldering fire.

Next to the fire was an old pot and a ...

A man walks into a bar

And he sees a 1 foot tall bloke dancing on the keyboard of a piano. He asks the bartender, "Where did you get the lil guy from?" The bartender replied "I got him from this wishing rock", gesturing to a small black rock on the counter.

The man asked if he can give it a try. The bartender said...

I was Washingtons of clothes when...

Adams-el in distress ran up to me and said her boyfriend Jefferson was being not nice and even though I was a bit Madison at the guy I couldn’t help but give her retreat, and boy, she was such a Monroe!

My friend Jack’s son decided to do a van burying on me I was having a leisurely drive. He ...

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One from the pub tonight.... And Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Paddy Irishman are on a roofing job together....

And the Englishman goes: "Fuck me, my wife keeps making me these roast chicken sandwiches for lunch. I swear lads, if I get this shite again tomorrow, I'm jumping off this fucking roof!"

The Scotsman goes: "Fouck meh, laddiehs, my foucking wife keeps mehking me thes roost beef sandwheches. I...

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