What did Arnold say when he decided to dress up as a baroque era composer?

I'll be Bach

What did Scarlatti tell Vivaldi when he fell off a ladder?

"I guess you Baroque your Bach. I bet you can't Handel the pain."

Who is 6’5”, ripped, and loves 17th century European architecture?

Dwayne ‘Baroque’ Johnson

The definition of Baroque:

A time when there is no Monet.

You know the old saying: If it ain't Baroque...

...then it was probably written by more experimental composers after ~1760.

My friend spends 75% of his time playing American Football and the other 25% playing Baroque music.

He's a quarterbach.

Did you hear about the artist that was baroque?

He stole the Monet, to buy Degas, to make the Van Gogh...

How is Baroque opera like an omelette?

You can't make it without breaking a few "eggs"

What did one composer say to the other when the bill arrived?

Can you pay? I'm baroque.

Apparently Danny Devito is casting a new film about Baroque composers.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be Bach.

Why couldn't bach play the piano?

It was baroque

You know I really want a new guitar.

But for now I'm too baroque.

A building inspector for an old European town found that all buildings built between 1584 and 1750 had significant structural flaws.

Otherwise, if it ain't Baroque, don't fix it.

What's a poor artist's favourite style?


My client is very particular about which classical albums she wants me to restore...

“If it ain’t Baroque, don’t fix it.”

I saw a new music shop in town that only services instruments made between the years 1600 and 1750.

"If It Ain't Baroque, Don't Fix It"

What sound does a Baroque chicken make?

Bach Bach Bach Bach

Mozart was an amazing musician

It’s a shame he died baroque.

Why did Bach throw away his harpsichord?

Because it was Baroque.

Why couldn't Bach afford a new baton?

Because he was Baroque

Art thieves pillaged a museum of European 17th and 18th century artwork. They smashed windows, stole paintings, destroyed exhibits, and even did a number on the light fixtures. Everything about the place is a mere ruin of what it was yesterday.

It's all baroque now.

What would you call a famous president in the 17th century?

Baroque Obama.

What period of music should a starving musician be listening to?


Why did Bach have to sell his kidney?

Cause he was baroque

What did Beethoven say when it was discovered that he was not actually deaf, and just wearing airpods?

"It smells like baroque in here."

Are you the Palace of Versailles?

'Cause you be looking baroque.

Why didn't Bach attend Vivaldi's concert?

He was baroque.

I feel the classical musicians from the 17th and 18th century were not financially well-off.

Because they come from the Baroque era.

How can you tell Bach was a starving artist?

He was baroque.

If Obama declared bankruptcy and started living on the streets, what would be his Economic Status?


What's the slang term for a harpsichord?

A baroque man's piano.

Why was the computer programmer who was sent back in time to 1700 disappointed?

Because it was all baroque and no byte

Notre Dame went from gothic architecture..

To French baroque.

Johann Sebastian Bach was not a rich man

In fact, he was pretty baroque.

Why didn't 18th century composer George Frideric Handel go shopping while he lived in London?

Because he was Baroque.

A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin

Now he is quite Baroque.

How can you tell if a church in Europe has no money?

It’s Baroque

17th century painter Peter Paul Rubens walks into a bar and orders a drink.

Bartender asks “how are you going to pay for that?”
Peter Paul Rubens says “put it on my tab. I’m baroque.”

What do you call two classical musicians ending their relationship?

They baroque up

What do you call an artist who has no money


(I'll just see myself out)

I bought a 400 year-old chair from Italy...

...but as soon as I sat on it, it baroque.

Want to know the sad truth about Mozart?

Despite his fame, he died baroque and worthless.

I spent all my money on jewelry

Now I’m baroque

My piano keyboard is stuck on the clavichord sound setting.

I think it might be baroque.

I had to pay for everything when I went out with a couple classical musicians

they were completely baroque.

Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?

I think it's called Two Baroque Girls

What did Bach say when he slammed his finger in the door?

Ow! I think it's baroque!

(I'm so sorry.)

I was going to buy some classical music CDs...

But I was too baroque.

Today I learned that johann Sebastian Bach was a big time gambler...

It got so bad that he went baroque.


I learned that 17th century French royalty depleted their treasury...

I guess you could say they were baroque.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate when people incorrectly categorize Mozart as a classical composer...

Even though he lived during the Classical Era, he was Baroque as fuck.

Did you know Rembrandt was homeless?

Turns out he was baroque.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about Vivaldi's finances?

He was one Baroque mother fucker

A New Movie - Stephen Spielberg

Stephen Speilberg has just recently decided to create a new action movie about the greatest composers on Earth. His creates his cast and asks them 'Who do you want to be' ...

Bruce Willis says to him 'I ll play Beethoven, i've always fancied myself as a bit of a genius'

Liam Neeson the...

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