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Relationships Jokes

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4 tips for guys for successful relationships

It’s really important to find a woman that you love and who loves you the same.

It’s really important to find a woman that sexually excites you and that she feels the same about you.

It’s really important to find a woman who will care for you and that you will care for her, in sickne...

I made a graph showing my past relationships

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

"Siri, why am I so bad at relationships with women?"

"This is Alexa."

I'm making a graph of my past relationships...

I have an 'ex'-axis and a 'why?'-axis.

So I made a graph of all my past relationships...

It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Not good at relationships

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her... instead, I swam up to the surface.

I got drunk and drew up a graph showing all of the relationships I've ever had.

It had an ex axis, and a why axis.

Why do Romans always have a hard time ending relationships?

Their X is always a 10.

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Relationships are like farts

if you have to push too hard, it's probably shit

Relationships are like algebra...

Ever look at your X and wonder Y?

Statistics say that 1/3 of people cheat in their relationships

Which got me thinking,
Is it my wife or is it my girlfriend who is cheating?

Mens guide to love and lasting relationships.

1. Find a woman who makes you laugh
2. Find a woman who has a job and loves housework
3. Find a woman who is honest
4. Find a woman who will wait on you no matter what
5. Find a woman who is awesome in bed
6. Most of all, it’s very important that these five woman never meet.

Elon Musk has always had trouble with relationships...

Even Twitter is now his X!

With relationships, they say there's plenty of fish in the sea...

But I'm just stuck here holding my rod

Relationships are like Indian food

They start out hot and spicy but end up with someone on the toilet crying and saying why me.

Why are relationships complex?

Because you're real, but your girlfriend is imaginary

Algebra reminds me of my past relationships

I mean, have you ever looked at your x and wondered y?

Why does communists have toxic relationships?

Because they run into red flags.

Ive stayed in relationships..

Just to avoid doing dishes!

My relationships are like fat people.

They don't work out.

Why do tennis players suck at relationships?

Because love means nothing to them.

Relationships

They are like the suits in a pack of cards,

They start out all hearts and diamonds………..

…….but eventually you wish you had a club and a spade!

Why do Hitmen have trouble maintaining steady relationships?

Because their dates are always afraid of being taken out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"How do you view Homosexual relationships?"

"HD"

I was trying to do some research on human and dog relationships

But I got stuck in my lab

Juliet hates it when people give her advice about relationships.

It’s not her first Romeo.

My girlfriend and I have one of those 'up-down' relationships.

When I get it up, she's never down!

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Long distance relationships are hard...

I haven’t seen my girl for a month and worst I haven’t had sex for a couple of weeks...









—Jose Cervantes

Which game ruins the most relationships??

Russian Roulette

Hermit crabs have been known to have symbiotic relationships with sea anemones.

The crabs let the anemones ride around on their shells and will even share food with them.

It's a prime example of keepng your friends close and your anemones closer.

The key to successful relationships is being earnest and frank...

... so when I'm with my wife in Washington D.C., I'm Earnest, and with my girlfriend in Baltimore, I'm Frank.

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To be successful at relationships, be a dog.

Say little, listen a lot, and don't poop on the carpet

Why do relationships between string instruments never work out?

They always result in domestic violins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Relationships are like politics...

Everyone wants a high approval rating, but occasionally, you're gonna get fucked.

Long term relationships

What's the difference between your job and your wife?

After ten years, your job still sucks.

I made a video about the symbiotic relationships between fungus and algae

Don't forget to lichen subscribe!

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Gay relationships are

a pain in the ass.

Relationships are like revolving doors

You just have to find the right time to sneak in and out

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Know what relationships and farts have in common?

If you have to force it, it's ~~probability~~ probably crap.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's difficult to make meaningful relationships when you have a big dick

I'm just struggling to fit in

I treat relationships like math problems

Once I get confused I start cheating.

All my relationships were like communism..

They never succeeded.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All my relationships end up with the girl calling me gay.

I'm like that's fine its not like I ever liked you anyway.

Why can't programmers maintain good relationships?

They have a lot of arguments.

I just read an article that Texas is number one in the nation for both depression and infidelity in relationships.

It's a sad state of affairs.

I told my wife how nervous I was about hosting the talk on unhealthy relationships.

"I'm terrified of public speaking," I told her, "but my friend gave me a good tip: he said I should imagine the crowd naked."

My wife said, "No, you're only allowed to imagine me naked."

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