UPJOKE
relativerelationshipkinshipsibkininterrelationcorrelationconnectiondealingskindredkinswomanaffinityagnateenatefunction

Relations Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the man arrested for sexual relations with a sheep?

He's no longer on the lam.

I was having intimate relations with a married woman.

A car pulled into the garage, and the woman said, "Oh no it's my husband! Quick, use the back door!"

Thinking back, I should have run, but you don't get offers like that every day.

My wife doesn't understand why I prefer to play Mario Kart over having relations with her

In Mario Kart, it is a GOOD thing when I finish first

A minister is giving a sermon on marital relations and happiness in marriage.

He states that those who have the happiest marriages have very regular conjugal relations. To prove his point he asks those who have such relations several times a week to stand. As they do he sees a smiling group of people. Then he asks who have conjugal relations several times a month and those...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, ...

A priest visits his cousin, who is also a priest.

The two priests, both in their forties, sit down to dinner.

The visiting priest says, "Cousin, I couldn't help noticing that your housekeeper is quite a young and attractive woman. I take it relations between the two of you are not always completely platonic?"

"How dare you! I am a man...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the Belgians are pissed...

The king of Belgium is fed up that the Dutch make jokes about how dumb Belgians are. He goes to King Willem, of the Netherlands, and demands that the Dutch should do something stupid, so that the Belgians can laugh at the Dutch. Willem wants to maintain good relations so he says; "meh, we will build...

How do computers form intimate relations?

They insert the floppy into the disc drive.

Divorce Judgement

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pope contracts a rare terminal illness.

The best specialists were quietly called in from around the world for consultation. After much debate and research, they determined that the only hope to save the Pope's life was for him to have sexual relations with a woman. His advisors were notified and they in turn spoke in confidence with the p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All my past relations ended because of my small penis

But my current wife says it’s no biggie

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you have sexual relations with a fruit-flavored soft drink?

Cool aids

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

International relations

The United Nations noticed that there was a lot of dissent among its ranks and relationships were strained. The UN leaders called a meeting and came up with a plan to increase morale that was discussed and agreed upon by all members.

The plan was to take a representative from three different...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anyone know where I can find someone to share a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations?

Asking for a friend.

I did Public relations for U2

It was all pro bono.

A woman in work was fired for having intimate relations with a colleague.

We don't know who fingered her

Everybody makes race relations seem so complicated

But really the issue is pretty black and white

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got fired for having sexual relations with my client

It's alright, I didn't like babysitting anyway.

Did you hear that Anheuser-Busch has taken over the Red Cross’s public relations?

Their new slogan is “This Blood’s for You.”

Pinochio just finished intimate relations with his new girlfriend when she ...

started complaining about splinters in her most sensitive areas.

Concerned, Pinochio went to Geppetto and told him of the splinter problem.

Geppetto searched all his shelves until he found the finest grit sandpaper among his supplies and instructs Pinochio on its use.

Several w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During an inquiry, a priest was asked if he had had improper sexual relations.

He said that he had nun.

Although relations between the two countries have improved over the years, there's still a lot of bad blood between Finland and Norway.

It's called Sweden.

Starbucks makes a drastic move to their menu to improve community relations

Patrons may no longer order black coffee.

Dr Dave had intimate relations with one of his patients and he is upset.

It was important to him not to have that happen in his career but just once one thing led to another and now he is feeling down and embarrassed.

Fortunately, he has a small voice working to cheer him up. "Don't even worry about it. You're not the first doc this has happened to and you certain...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.

In response the doctor said, “When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself.”

On the way home the man went to a gun store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he ran home to his wife. When he got home he was surprised and delighted to find...

An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...

to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the ...

What does the Obama administration think about foreign relations?

Why so Syrias?

Lenin in Poland

An artist is commissioned by the USSR to make a painting commemorating relations between the Soviet Union and Poland, to be titled "Lenin in Poland." A large ceremony is held at the Kremlin for its unveiling. When the painting is revealed, the guests gasp — the painting shows Lenin's wife in bed wit...

I named my boat Relation. Now I can tell people...

I have a Relationship.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.