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Admittance Jokes

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy.

The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.

The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny showed up to school butt naked except for a mask on his face.

When the teacher asked why he came to school like this, to which Johnny replied:

"They said admittance will be with mask only, so I came with a mask only."

A man walks up to a bar...

... and the bouncer says "No tie, no admittance". The guy goes back to his car, looking for a tie; only finds jumper cables. He arranges them around his neck like a tie and heads back in. The bouncer gives him an appraising glance, and says "OK; I'll let you in. But don't start anything!".

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Which hole?

One day, 3 men died and went to heaven. A philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot.

At the pearly gates, St. Peter told them that heaven is pretty crowded right now and that they have to past a test in order to gain admittance. He pointed to Satan who happens to be standing beside him and sa...

Hillbilly tries to get into Heaven

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, Saint Peter told him that, because of severe overcrowding, all prospective heavenly souls had to pass an intelligence test to gain admittance. “Are you ready?” St. Peter asked?

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg shrugge...

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One day, Heaven is full...

One day, Heaven is way too full and can’t accept the influx of people. So, while everyone inside works to find a solution, St. Peter is given explicit instructions: only let people in who have had a bad day on the day they died.

Late in the day, a middle-aged man walks up to the Pearly Gates...

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Three Nuns were waiting

to enter the Kingdom of Heaven after being involved in the most horrific car accident you have ever seen! On the arrival of Saint Peter the Nuns became most excited and started running for the door when St Peter said:

"You will each have to answer a question before you enter the Kingdom of He...

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