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Reading A Book Jokes

A KGB agent goes to a library and sees an old Jewish man reading a book.

“What are you reading, old man?” he asks.

“I’m learning Hebrew, comrade,” replies the old Jew.

The KGB agent asks, “What are you learning Hebrew for? You know it takes years to get a permission to travel to Israel? You will die before you get one.”

“I’m learning Hebrew for when ...

So I was sitting on the bus just reading a book when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.

I turned around and saw an old lady. She said to me, "Sonny, would you like some nuts? I've got a couple hazelnuts and almonds if you'd like."

"Sure.", I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.

"What a nice lady", I thought, while happ...

I’m reading a book on Stockholm Syndrome

I didn’t like it at first, but it’s growing on me.

I was reading a book when my 5yo cousin asked "why is that book so thick?"

Then i told him "its a long story"

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

I've been reading a book on euthanasia...

It's so good I can't put it down.

I just finished reading a book about the history of WD-40.

It was non friction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just finished reading a book called "How To Give Constructive Criticism"

It was fucking shit.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

It's a nice bit of light reading.

I’m currently reading a book about the life of Henry Ford.

It’s an autobiography.

There was a man named peta who was reading a book called "Animals"

He didn't like it so he put it down

I was reading a book on anti gravity last night.

I found it quite difficult to put down.

A man was reading a book

at 3 am, when suddenly all electric devices in the building stopped working. In darkness he was unable to read, but he wasn't mad...
He was de-lighted.

I've just started reading a book in braille.

Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.

I tried reading a book about machines that drill large holes in the ground.

It was boring.

I’m reading a book that compares the different versions of the Bible.

Turns out, there is a lot of cross referencing.

A woman is reading a book in bed when her husband enters with a sheep under his arm

The husband holds the sheep up to the woman and exclaims: "This is the pig I'm cheating on you with."

The woman, confused by the notion, replies: "But... that's a sheep."

To which the husband shakes his head and says: "I wasn't talking to you."

I was reading a book on cocaine addiction the other day

After the first few lines I was hooked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex on the beach!

A widowed Jewish woman, mid 50′s, went to a Tel Aviv beach for the first time since her husband passed. She was still attractive and looked good in her bathing suit. On the same beach was an attractive man, mid 50’s, getting some sun and reading a book. She put her blanket down next to his and ...

I'm laying in bed reading a book, when my dad walks in with a tape measure...

About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me.

It gets closer and closer until it eventually pushes against my cheek.

I ask him "What are you doing?"

"I'm measuring your patience."

I got distracted while studying Reading a book about abdominal pain in the library last night

Someone ripped out the appendix

My co-worker was reading a book on her tea break.

I asked her what it was and she said "It's *The Exorcist*. It's the most evil book I've ever read, it's really getting to me."

At the start of her lunch break she said "Right, I'm getting rid of this horrible thing!". I watched out of the window as she walked by the river and threw the book i...

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Reading a book about assisted suicide but it's fucking boring.

I need someone to help me finish it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A recently widowed Jewish lady named Sarah, was sitting on a beach towel. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book..

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you." he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away last year." he replied and again tur...

I just finished reading a book on Stockholm syndrome

I didn't care for it much at first, but after a while i could 't put it down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with me is like reading a book...

I don't stop until I reach the appendix.

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A man was finishing reading a book when all of a sudden he had an urge to start masturbating. He finished at the end of the book

You can say he *Came to a conclusion*

I was reading a book about lubrication in the library.

I found it in the non-friction section.

I've just been reading a book all about lubricant...

It's a fantastic piece of non-friction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A butler comes up to his lord reading a book to tell him something urgent.

"Milord?" says the butler.

"Yes, Alfred? What do you need?" answers his lord.

"I am sorry for this interuption but I've found some monkey that is up on one of the palm trees we have planted in our garden recently, milord." explained himself Alfred.

Lord sighs, closes his book an...

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A guy walks into his marital bedroom with a sheep under his arm, his wife is in bed reading a book.

He says, ‘'This is the pig I shag when you're not around.” His wife looks up from what she'd reading and says, “That's not a pig, it's a sheep!” He said, “"I was talking to the sheep.”

I'm reading a book about meeting deadlines.

I should have finished it a week ago.

I'm reading a book called "Anticlimax"

It starts off well

What do you call the outcome of someone reading a book on the toilet?

Reader's Digest.

I just finished reading a book by a group of amateur poets...

The poems aren’t bad, but you can tell they’re not prose.

I'm reading a book about Swedish automotive history.

It's a real Saab story.

I've been reading a book about the shape of the mathematical functions of sine and cosine...

It has its ups and downs...

I kept reading a book about Gawker...

But every page kept going back to Chapter 11

I'm reading a book on evolution...

The beginning wasn't great, but it's getting better over time.

I'm reading a book on how soil is added to the farmland.

The plot thickens.

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