UPJOKE
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How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed
from the current position as a result of failure to perform previou...

How would you write “I changed a light bulb” on your resume?

Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.

A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light.

For support, rather than illumination.

I just got a how-to book for flipping on a lightswitch

It's called *Process of Illumination*.

I'm gradually figuring out what the best lighting options are for my house.

It's a process of illumination.

I Hate Trying to Figure Out Which Light Switch Goes to Which Room

It's a process of illumination.

A doctor walks into his patients room...

A doctor walks into his patients room holding his chest x-ray, moving over to the illumination board he pins it up. After staring at it for a second he turns it over, and again, going back and forth a few times. He turns to the patient shifting nervously and says:

 

*"You know...

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