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Quarantined Jokes

You know being self quarantined isn't even that boring

But I am surprised that there are 7884 grains of rice in one pack, and 7892 in another.

Chuck Norris has been confirmed to be exposed to COVID-19

Virus has been quarantined for 14 days

Coronavirus update: Everyone at John Lennon airport has been quarantined.

Imagine all the people

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy returns home from running an errand for his quarantined grandfather.

He says, "Grandpa, I got all the groceries you wanted! All together, it came to $47.22. Here's your change."

Grandpa says, "My goodness, the world is expensive nowadays. When I was a boy your age, I could get five pounds of potatoes, three loaves of bread, two pounds of beef, a jug of milk, a...

Why don't comedians like being quarantined?

They can only make inside jokes.

Why was the vampire quarantined?

Because he was coffin

r/electricians should be quarantined

It is a subreddit devoted to shocking content

The best part about being quarantined are the handjobs.

The worst part is being alone.

Quarantine

Don’t get it?

That’s because it’s an inside joke

THIS JUST IN: KING FELIPE VI QUARANTINED TO HIS JET

Madrid News reports the Reign of Spain is staying mainly on the plane.

In response to being quarantined I'm giving up drinking for an entire month .

Edit, missed some punctuation.

I'm giving up. Drinking for an entire month.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said that since being quarantined I’ve become “addicted” to porn...

which is a filthy, dirty, wet, gaping lie.

My psychiatrist said I should focus on inner peace while quarantined by finishing everything left undone...

I looked around the house and found half a bottle of merlot, some gin, a litl scotch, som old scriptun of valum adn oxtdkl.

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract COVID19. All dogs previously quarantined can now be released.

In short, WHO let the dogs out.

With everyone quarantined and staying inside, there is no one out to spy on or follow around...

The stalk market is very weak.

What did the home-quarantined stand-up comedian say after he got a laugh from his video chat audience?

"Thanks, I'll be here all week!"

REQUEST: Looking for those story jokes where you get the listener emotionally attached/involved before revealing knockout punchlines, to cheer up quarantined family friends

You know the ones I mean, guys. Let’s have it!

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