You know being self quarantined isn't even that boring

But I am surprised that there are 7884 grains of rice in one pack, and 7892 in another.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy returns home from running an errand for his quarantined grandfather.

He says, "Grandpa, I got all the groceries you wanted! All together, it came to $47.22. Here's your change."

Grandpa says, "My goodness, the world is expensive nowadays. When I was a boy your age, I could get five pounds of potatoes, three loaves of bread, two pounds of beef, a jug of milk, a...

Coronavirus update: Everyone at John Lennon airport has been quarantined.

Imagine all the people

Why don't comedians like being quarantined?

They can only make inside jokes.

The best part about being quarantined are the handjobs.

The worst part is being alone.

Quarantined Star Wars troopers be like "I miss people"

First off all, you always miss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife and I are home quarantined for two weeks. Fortunately, we hoarded lots of toilet paper.

Time for some roll playing games.

I was diagnosed with the corona virus at a brothel and the whole place was immediately quarantined.

Jeez, now I'll be stuck here for two weeks.

Why was the vampire quarantined?

Because he was coffin

r/Wuhan_flu has been quarantined.

Is this some kind of sick joke...?

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract COVID19. All dogs previously quarantined can now be released.

In short, WHO let the dogs out.

In response to being quarantined I'm giving up drinking for an entire month .

Edit, missed some punctuation.

I'm giving up. Drinking for an entire month.

Why is the quarantined melon couple sad?

Because they cantaloupe :(

What did the home-quarantined stand-up comedian say after he got a laugh from his video chat audience?

"Thanks, I'll be here all week!"

r/electricians should be quarantined

It is a subreddit devoted to shocking content

THIS JUST IN: KING FELIPE VI QUARANTINED TO HIS JET

Madrid News reports the Reign of Spain is staying mainly on the plane.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said that since being quarantined I’ve become “addicted” to porn...

which is a filthy, dirty, wet, gaping lie.

my girlfriend has been quarantined because of the coronavirus.

i'm really worried, she's stuck at her ex's house and sent a voicemail of her moaning in pain. hopefully god is good to her and she can come home soon.

My psychiatrist said I should focus on inner peace while quarantined by finishing everything left undone...

I looked around the house and found half a bottle of merlot, some gin, a litl scotch, som old scriptun of valum adn oxtdkl.

REQUEST: Looking for those story jokes where you get the listener emotionally attached/involved before revealing knockout punchlines, to cheer up quarantined family friends

You know the ones I mean, guys. Let’s have it!

With everyone quarantined and staying inside, there is no one out to spy on or follow around...

The stalk market is very weak.

Quarantine

Don’t get it?

That’s because it’s an inside joke

Chuck Norris has been confirmed to be exposed to COVID-19

Virus has been quarantined for 14 days

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