1970s Jokes

...that a certain enzyme in a specific breed of seagull chicks granted dolphins that ate them a dramatically increased lifespan. Hoping that this could be made viable for humans, they started extensive testing. Unfortunately, the breed of gulls wasn't native to the area around their laboratory.
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This young man looked almost exactly like country singer Conway Twitty. After settling in at his house, he decided to introduce himself to some members of his congregation.

The first stop was an elderly couple. He knocked on the door, the woman answered and yelled "Conway Twitty! Pa, come ... read more

The husband looked up at the sky and said "It looks like it's going to rain. We should probably try to get home." His wife disagreed, and said "I don't think so. I'd like to just keep walking." They continued on their walk for a while, but the husband still thought it was going to rain. So he walked... read more

What a bunch of Pre-Madonnas

Her choices, as she told me, were 'ImPeachments & Cream' and 'Watermelon-Gate' (as a sorbet).



Both were denied.

This is actually true.

He used to work in the 1970s in Johannesburg as a pharmacist.

This was back in the 1970s. A middle-aged man got upset with his neighbor and spilled a flowerpot full of water out his window onto her. She got very upset and pressed charges against him. So the man had to go and get a lawyer to represent him, and the lawyer asked the judge for leniency, arguing... read more

Have you noticed that a man with a beard wearing a mask looks a lot like a female 1970s underwear model?

and says "Got any job openings?"

"What do you do?" asks the impresario.

"Bird imitations," says the man.

"Do me a favour!" explodes the impresario. "Bird imitations went out in the 1970s!"

"Fair enough," says the man

...and flies out of the window.

Back in the 1970s he travelled a lot for his work. This was during the time when hijackings, bombings and stuff like that weren’t too uncommon.

Being a statistician, he sat down one day and calculated the odds that a bomb would be on a plane that he was on. Turns out, he didn’t like the odd... read more

How can you tell the difference between a regular virus and a retrovirus?

The 1970s haircut.

After looking at the rubble, he asked the manager if the building was a new structure. The manager said, "I don't think so, it was built in the 1970s."

The adjuster said, "I that case, the best payout I can give you is $50,000. If it was a new building I could have given you 95,000.

Nothing the internet wasn't invented until like the 1970s.

In the 1970s, law enforcement officers on the California coast would gather all the confiscated marijuana plants and burn them in a giant incinerator. Terns would fly overhead and inhale the fumes. At the end of the day, they found that no terns were left unstoned.

Californians don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs. (I remember this from the 1970s when I was in middle school. It's one of my first dirty jokes)

Back in the 1970s an Alaskan lawyer found out he had a long lost cousin in Czechoslovakia. In letters, the Czech mentioned he always wanted to see Alaska, so they arrange for him to come for a visit over the Christmas break.

While he's there the Alaskan takes him for a hike through the woods.... read more