Play Chess Jokes - 20 Hilarious Play Chess Jokes

Why can’t the Uk and the USA play chess anymore?

Because one lost its queen and the other lost its two towers

I have a friend from Prague who I play chess with.

He is my Czech mate.

Why can't dinosaurs play chess?

Cuz they're all dead.

Why can't people in the U.S. play chess?

Because their king is actually a pawn.

My computer always wins when we play chess

But it's no match for me in kick-boxing.

I like to play chess with old bald men in the park

But it’s kind of hard to find 32 of them.

Bob Seger sits in a park with a tired-eyed old man. He's learning how to play chess.

After going over the layout and setup of the board, the old man begins a lesson on to the movement of the individual pieces.

Queens move in all directions, any distance. Kings are the same but with only one space. He didn't understand the knight, though.

Two in one direction, then ...

What do you call a 30 year old man that likes to play chess?

A GameBoy

Anti-vaxxers are like teaching a pigeon to play chess...

They don't know jack about it, they don't wanna hear you explain it, and in the end they knock down the pieces and strut around like they won the game.

I taught my dog to play chess.

But he's pretty dumb. I manage to beat him two out of three times.

Why can you never play chess with an Australian?

You can never know if it’s really checkmate

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Arguing with a social conservative is like trying to play chess with a pigeon...

No matter how good you are at chess, the pigeon is just going to shit on the board, knock down the pieces and strut around like it's victorious.

When I was young, I used to play chess with my father and he always beat me.

Probably because I always won in chess.

Putin been giving Trump lessons on how to play chess

But the only thing Donald could remember was that it's important to block The Queen.

A policeman and a prisoner play chess.

The policeman beats him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a dog are playing chess

A woman walks in and says "holy crap, your dog can play chess?! That's amazing! What a brilliant dog! "

The man says "you think my dog is brilliant? Pffft. Hardly. He's pretty dumb, I've won 19 games out of the 20 we've played."

Why don't I play chess with the Prodigy?

they smack my bishop

Why do Australians take forever to play chess?

Because they never make it past the first check, mate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man get’s a new job on a remote lighthouse. He is the youngest of the 4 lighthouse keepers.

When he arrives and starts to get to know the others he asks, “So what do you do for entertainment around here every night.”

“Well,” said the oldest keeper. “On Monday night we usually play a long game of chess.”

“That’s a shame,” the young man said. “I don’t play chess.”

“Never...

I think I will learn how to play chess

that's probably the only way for me to mate.

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