If teachers don't have arms, how are they supposed to write on the board?
What's a checkmate?
Husband : You know today, I saw someone just like you?
Wife : Was she hot?
You can't say yes
You can't say no
Britain checkmated the world this week with..
Queen to G7
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
If god doesn't exist, explain how my girlfriend is pregnant when we've never had sex. Checkmate atheists.
What does an Aussie say when it’s time to pay the bill?
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
High School Bully
The guy who picked on me all through high school and then became a millionaire just placed a delivery order at KFC.
Now I get the last laugh. I gave him original recipe and he ordered extra crispy. Checkmate Justin, you fucking loser
"No, she's Austrian, but her father was Czech"
I prayed to god to have the best chess skills in the world
Chess was invented in Australia
Why else would they say Checkmate?
An Australian enters a Chess competition
To pay for admission, he writes a check to the organizers. He walks up to a man at the entrance accepting checks. The man at the entrance says "Do you have your check, mate?" To which the Australian responds "Checkmate? I haven't even started a round"
An Australian goes to a chess tournament
When he was about to lose his first game, his opponent looked up, smiled and said: *checkmate*.
The Australian replied back in confusion: *But mate.. I didn't order anything!*
My girlfriend told me if I use any more chess terminology, she'll break up with me
"Check," I said.
She moved out the next day.
"Checkmate," I said.
What did the British restaurant patron say to his waiter after he finished his meal?
just thought of this joke cause i play a lot of chess. how can i work a chess or competition reference into the premise to add more value to the punchline?
Why can you never play chess with an Australian?
You can never know if it’s really checkmate
A man walks down the streets of New York dragging a dead horse.
A passer by sees the scene and intrigued goes and asks "What are you doing dragging a dead horse in the middle of the city streets?"
Man says "Help me cross it the street and I'll tell you."
Passer by helps him out "Now will you tell me?"
Man says "Help me get it up to the 5th f...
An Australian visits a chess-themed restaurant
Once he finishes, he calls to his waiter, "Checkmate."
They say when you point the finger, three fingers are pointing back at you.
That's why I always accuse people with my full erection. Checkmate.
A businessman is spending Christmas in a hotel for a meeting.
As it happens, the city he’s visiting is host to the world’s largest chess tournament, and most of the competitors are staying in the same hotel.
The businessman doesn’t really interact with the chess players during his stay, since his meeting is on another floor. But one morning he comes do...
I knew I was playing chess with an Australian...
... he said "checkmate" and then left suddenly.
A true story about the time I got caught speeding
This is the story of the time I was pulled over for doing almost 70 in a construction area, where the speed limit had been reduced to 55.
So I pulled over right away because I'm white and a man with a mustache that only a cop would grow, swung a leg dramatically over his motorcycle and walke...
A hotel is holding a convention for chess aficionados...
During the daytime, the chess fans can play each other in the ballroom, watch panels that discuss optimal tactics and long-term strategies, or watch videos of famous chess matches. In the night, many of them gather in the hotel lobby to discuss the game and what they've seen today.
The hotel ...