Checkmate Jokes

Husband : You know today, I saw someone just like you?

Wife : Was she hot?

You can't say yes

You can't say no

That's checkmate!

If teachers don't have arms, how are they supposed to write on the board?

"No, she's Austrian, but her father was Czech"

Checkmate atheists

Checkmate!

They're both looking for a checkmate.

"Check," I said.

She moved out the next day.

"Checkmate," I said.

Why else would they say Checkmate?

You can never know if it’s really checkmate

When he was about to lose his first game, his opponent looked up, smiled and said: *checkmate*.

The Australian replied back in confusion: *But mate.. I didn't order anything!*

A passer by sees the scene and intrigued goes and asks "What are you doing dragging a dead horse in the middle of the city streets?"

Man says "Help me cross it the street and I'll tell you."

Passer by helps him out "Now will you tell me?"

Man says "Help me get it up to the 5th f... read more

checkmate



just thought of this joke cause i play a lot of chess. how can i work a chess or competition reference into the premise to add more value to the punchline?

Once he finishes, he calls to his waiter,
"Checkmate."

To pay for admission, he writes a check to the organizers. He walks up to a man at the entrance accepting checks. The man at the entrance says "Do you have your check, mate?" To which the Australian responds "Checkmate? I haven't even started a round"

That's why I always accuse people with my full erection. Checkmate.

... he said "checkmate" and then left suddenly.

Because they keep saying "checkmate" when the game's not over.

As it happens, the city he’s visiting is host to the world’s largest chess tournament, and most of the competitors are staying in the same hotel.

The businessman doesn’t really interact with the chess players during his stay, since his meeting is on another floor. But one morning he comes do... read more

This is the story of the time I was pulled over for doing almost 70 in a construction area, where the speed limit had been reduced to 55.

So I pulled over right away because I'm white and a man with a mustache that only a cop would grow, swung a leg dramatically over his motorcycle and walke... read more

During the daytime, the chess fans can play each other in the ballroom, watch panels that discuss optimal tactics and long-term strategies, or watch videos of famous chess matches. In the night, many of them gather in the hotel lobby to discuss the game and what they've seen today.

The hotel ... read more