Chess Player Jokes - 34 Hilarious Chess Player Jokes

What do Zoologists and Chess players both get excited over?

Mating patterns

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Why are chess players good in bed?

They can find up to 8 G spots for their queen.

Why do chess players search for love in Central Europe?

They prefer Czech mates

Why did the chess player download tinder in Prague?

He was looking for a Czech mate.

I Want to Become a Famous Chess Player.

But I've got too much of a checkered past to do it.

How do chess players stay in shape?

They lift rooks.

What does an Australian chess player say when they go to a restaurant?

Check, mate

I met some chess players in the hotel lobby bragging about how good they were

It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

I went to lunch with a champion chess player.

It took him 8 minutes to pass me the salt...

Which rockstar is the best chess player?

Bob Seger, because he’s always working on them knight moves.

Why isn’t Michael Jackson a good chess player?

Because he’s dead

What is the favourite move of a chess player suffering from OCD?

*double-check*

Why do dyslexic chess players have such fresh breath?

Because they're so good at finding Tic Tacs.

I went on a date with a chess player...

I went on a date with a chess player to an Italian restaurant. With checkered table cloths. It took him maybe half an hour to pass the salt.

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What do a chess player and a pornstar have in common?

Thinking long and hard

How is a chess player like an Australian who's about to leave a restaurant?

They're both looking for a checkmate.

How do Australian chess players send their food back?

"It's stale, mate."

Why did the chess player get tense in a diner?

Because the waiter said "Check".

A chess player once borrowed a million dollars to purchase special edition chess boards.

His friend asked him to pay the money back but he ran away. His friend got cancer and couldn't pay the bills.

Finally the chess player went to visit him, holding a piece of paper in his hand. He walked up to him, and extended his arm towards him, and said "Check, mate."

My wife makes love like a chess player.

Every twenty minutes, she moves.

A chess player was travelling abroad for a tournament

He managed to find a room at a small hotel. Upon entering the room, he immediately knew something was wrong and briskly made his way back to reception.

"Is something wrong?" the receptionist asked, startled by the man's disgruntled demeanour.

The man exclaimed "I thought I paid for ro...

Anyone hear the one about the three legged chess player?

Some say he's always a step ahead of the competition.

Why did the chess player throw away his bread?

Because it was stalemate

A person from Czechoslovakia falls in love with a chess player

It’s a Czechmate!

It would be confusing to be a chess player in Australia when you have some money to deposit.

Check, mate

Where did the chess player go when he lost one of his chess pieces?

The pawn shop.

What do you do when you're weirdly attracted to a chess player, but can't make out whether they're a guy or a girl?

Check and mate

A bunch of chess players are in a hotel lobby discussing their recent victories.

The manager comes up to them and says, “Sorry gentlemen, I’m going to have to ask you all to leave immediately!”

“Leave? Why?” They asked.

The manager responded “If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s chess nuts boasting in an open foyer”

I had a lucky chess board when i was a kid

Even thought i never considered myself a great chess player i always seemed to be winning every game i played on that board. It was my lucky chess board. But what was really special about thay board was where it was produced. It was, czech made.

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An international chess tournament is being held in a swank hotel in New York.

However, due to a conflicting convention the tables have been set up in the lobby. Everyone who is anyone in the world of chess is there. After a grueling 4 hours of chess, there is still no winner. In the lobby, the players get into a big argument about who is the brightest, the fastest, and the be...

Australian Grandmaster wins big chess tournament, "so would you like the prize money as cash or..?" "check, mate"

Hey so I won a college chess tournament and are about to go into an Instagram live video with a talkative person(the host,lady) and the college chess coach "Dan" (friend of mine,older) . So what are some jokes I can do?

I'm thinking of..

Host:"so you've played a lot of chess huh?"
...

A businessman is spending Christmas in a hotel for a meeting.

As it happens, the city he’s visiting is host to the world’s largest chess tournament, and most of the competitors are staying in the same hotel.

The businessman doesn’t really interact with the chess players during his stay, since his meeting is on another floor. But one morning he comes do...

I was waiting for a girl to make a move on me, but it was taking her too long

Then I found out she was a Chess Player

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doping olympics [translated from an old Russian anecdote, 2007]

Good day! We are reporting live from our special Olympics. At our Olympics there's no doping control at all. Yes, you heard it right, sportsmen are NOT tested for doping. Absolutely. So...

- Finnish sportsman has jumped 27 meters. A very good result indeed for a chess player.

- 13 ...

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