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Pirates Jokes

Why do pirates love reddit?

It be the best place to exchange stolen content for gold.

Where do pirates get their hooks?

The second hand store.

A pirates first day

It's a pirate's first day on a new ship. While swabbing the deck, he is approached by the captain. The captain is a weathered, veteran sailer and has three of the iconic pirate maladies- a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eyepatch.


The new pirate asks the captain how he got the peg leg....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do pirates call prostitutes

Land-Hoe!

What is a pirates favorite letter?

The one from the Governor telling him he's been pardoned.

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at C.

When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them

In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back

Apple have come up with a new revolutionary eye patch for pirates.

It's called the iEye patch.

(I'm sorry)

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Famed pirates Anne Bonny and Mary Read would board ships with their tits out to distract and intimidate enemy sailors.

It had no effect on their own crew because pirates only care about booty.

Where do pirates store their computer data?

In an ARRay.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Are pirates ass men or tit men

Ass men. It’s all about the quality of the booty, not the size of the chest.

Came up with this a few months ago and keep forgetting to post it.

What’s a pirates least favourite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely, your service provider.

What’s the difference between a casual dress party and an orgy with pirates?

One, you come as you are, and the other, you “arrr” as you cum!

What a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?

None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

What's a pirates favorite letter?

- R?

- No! The C be his first love

How much do pirates charge for corn?

A buck-an-ear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are porch pirates gay?

They love mail booty

What is a pirates least favorite workout?

Planks.
His favorite is chest day.

What's a pirates worst fear on a blind date?

A sunken chest and no booty.

How do cyclical pirates swear?

By Recursing.

Pirates!

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship.

One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party. The first mate went running into the Captain's quarters and said,...

Two pirates

Two pirates have just finished developing a machine with the ability to think and learn.

The first pirate says, "This is amazing! You should come up with a name for this."

The second pirate says, "AI, captain!"

What’s a pirates favorite element on the periodic table?

Gold. What the hell would they need argon for?

If pirates say "Arr", What do software pirates say?

.RAR

Why do pirates leave the bathroom angry?

Because after the Pee is gone, they're just Irate.

Why do lawyers love pirates?

Because they make the best “aye” witnesses

Where do pirates play videogames?

The arrrrghcade!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are pirates all sexually frustrated?

Because they’re looking for booty but all they ever find is big chests.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do pirates call a prostitute on a pier?

LAAAAAAAAAND HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

What is a pirates least favorite letter?

One from his manager saying he has been traded to the Mets.

Why do pirates listen to opera music?

Because they love the high Cs.

Pirates

A young man gets promoted to first mate on a rich merchant ship. One beautiful Caribbean day there’s a shout from the crows nest.
“Captain , there is one pirate ship on the horizon” to which the Captain yells to his first mate “ first mate, quick, get me my red shirt!!!!”
The first mate quickl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do pirates sing during fellatio?

"Wey hey, blow the man down."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sees a pirate sitting a few bar stools down from him...

... the pirate has a wooden leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch like a steroetypical pirate. The man is super curious but he simply nods hello and turns back to his beer. After another pint he summons the courage to turn and ask, "If you don't mind me asking, how did you get the wooden leg?"...

Why do pirates always carry a bar of soap?

So just in case they go overboard they can wash up on shore!

Arrrrgh

What is a pirates favorite soft drink?

Arrr Sea cola

What’s a pirates favourite plant?

An arrrrrrtichoke!

why couldn't the pirates play cards?

the captain was stood on the deck

What do zombie pirates eat?

Arrrrms!

Why don’t pirates know the alphabet?

Because they get lost at C

Somali Pirates Can't Find Hidden Treasure Buried in 2007

A bunch of Somali pirates lost their hidden treasure. They last saw their hidden treasure in 2007. They tried everything, bloodhounds, radar, metal detectors, sonar. But they couldn't find their treasure.

One day, one of the pirates had a suggestion.

"Captain, we should break R ...

what is the similarity between algebra and pirates?

finding x.

What does Santa say when he visits good pirates?

Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum!!


Made this one up when I was 5 or 6 and I’m still getting mileage out of it 30+ years later

Why do pirates always need the letter P

Because without it they would be irate

While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything.

They were pirates of the car I be in.

Here's an actual joke from my 6 year old

What is the pirates favorite part of the house?



The back-yarrrrrghd!



He was very proud of this joke and wanted to know if it was a good pun.

You know what has 8 legs 8 hands and 8 eyes?

8 Pirates

What’s a pirates favorite letter?

[most people respond] - “R?”

“Arr that’s what you’d think but it’s the C!”

What drink do Pirates get at McDonald’s?

The Hi-C!

Why can't pirates use sign language?

Because the hook makes everything sound like a question.

Why don’t pirates like Sunny Delight?

They prefer the high sea.

Novice pirates are always bad singers.

They can never hit the high seas.

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