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Ahoy Jokes

It's National Talk Like A Pirate Day; so what did one sailor say to the other when he yelled 'Land Ahoy!'

arrr ye shore

U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans rowing towards Texas. The Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts:

“Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "Gringo, we are invading the United States of
America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's."

The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter....

The Captain's Drink

Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar.
Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."
The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"
Hook yells, "Shove it up yer sta...

What snack do casinos give to their patrons?

Chips Ahoy!

What do Jewish pirates say?

Ahoy vey!

What do pirates use to treat burns

Ahoy Vera

What snack did the pirate bring to the Super Bowl party?

Chips Ahoy

What does a pirate say when greeting his indigenous buddy?

Ahoy, Métis!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new Swabbie joins a Pirate's crew.

A new Swabbie joins a Pirate's crew. He goes to the Captain's quarters and meets the Pirate Captain. He's a grizzled man with a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch.

Swabbie: Ahoy Captain, it's looks like you've had quite the history.

Cpt: Aye, I've been sailing these seven seas sinc...

Once upon a time, a fish decided to leave water.

Feeling ambitious, the fish swam up to the surface of the pond. It lamented on how its entire life was spent just in the tiny pond, unable to swim in any direction without hitting a wall for more than a minute. It believed there must be a larger pool of water somewhere, unexplored. It must leave its...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old salt walks into a harbor bar and sees a man he thinks he knows with a hook hand, a peg leg and an eye patch.

He says,"Ahoy, aren't you Cap'n Jones?", The old sea dog says,"Aye, Cap'n Jones I am." The tar says "I sailed with ye years ago. But last time I saw ye, ye were a whole man. What happened to your leg?" Jones answers "Lost it inna battle, cannonball took it off at the knee." "Surely bad, and how abo...

The PR team of Coca-Cola decided it was time for something big...

So they called Putin with an offer.

"Hello, Vladimir Vladimirovich, we have a very special offer for you. For 20 billion dollars you will return Russia's old flag, the communist one and with tiiiny tiny letters in the upper right corner will be the logo of Coca-Cola."

Now Putin didn't ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boy and his grandpa are fishing

A grandpa took his grandson fishing. A while in the grandpa takes out a cigar and starts smoking. The little kid asks if he can have one too and the grandpa says, "does your wiener touch your butt?" To which the kid responds no, then the grandpa says "that's too bad, then no".

Later on the g...

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