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Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

An Admiral was visiting one of his ships. While having tea, he noticed that every biscuit had the ship's insignia embossed on it.

He is very impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.


Cook, "When rolling the biscuits, I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven."


Admiral, "That's pretty unhygienic !!"


Cook, "In that case Sir, I'd suggest you skip the...

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Famed pirates Anne Bonny and Mary Read would board ships with their tits out to distract and intimidate enemy sailors.

It had no effect on their own crew because pirates only care about booty.

Why are ships' portholes round?

So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.

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Why don't black people go on cruise ships?

Because they're not falling for that one again.

Why does the Norway Navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!

Edit: whoops I meant Norwegian Navy

Edit 2: Thanks to commenters I have links to other people who have posted this joke! I haven’t been around very long so I didn’t know, go give them an upvote as well if you’d like!

2015:...

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

Two ships crash into each other on a densely foggy day on the ocean.

The two captains (a man and a woman) wind up in the same hospital and they fall in love. They give up their sailing careers to raise a family.

When the wife was almost ready to give birth, they decided it would be really sweet if their child chose a career that would be helpful in preventing...

How do viking ships communicate with each other?

Norse code

I'm gonna keep making these jokes until one blows up

When Canadians work on board cruise ships,

they need to get a document from the Canadian government called a Seaman’s Discharge Book.

Which is useless because all the pages are stuck together..

Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.

Long ago, when sailing ships rules the waves

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and ...

So a three masted sailing ship is leaving port...

... just a day out of port the captain is standing on the deck when the lookout calls down "Sir! There's an enemy ship on the horizon!"

The captain turns to his cabin boy and shouts "Bring me my red shirt!"

After the cabin boy brings him the red shirt and he puts it on, the two ships...

How do ships flirt online?

They send deck pics.

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An American, a Chinese and a Dane is bragging

The American starts: “We have the biggest Air force in the world. When all our planes takes off, there’s so many planes that not even a single sunbeam reaches the ground.”

The Chinese replies: “Well, but China has SO many ships! If all of our fleet sets sails at once, the ships would fill so ...

Why do the Swedish have barcodes on the side of their ships?

So they can Scandinavian.

(Sorry, my personal favourite joke)

My libertarian neighbor posted a newspaper ad selling his collection of Star Trek ships.

And here I thought he believed in free Enterprise.

I just saw a documentary on how ships are kept together.

It was riveting.

If someone makes their fortune in ships, we call them a shipping magnate and if someone makes their fortune in oil, we call them an oil magnate. So what do you call someone who makes their fortune...

...selling fridges?

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Why are camels called "The Ships of the Desert?"

Because they're full of Arab semen.

You know how captains tend to go down with their ships?

I always thought that was a weird hull to die on.

Whats a ships favorite drink?

Anything, as long as its not on the rocks!

Why are ships referred to as "she"?

Because they're always wet below.

A lot of blood is moved by ships everyday.

After all, we have blood vessels for a reason.

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I got in trouble for telling this joke in 5th grade on share a joke day.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess with three handsome suitors.

Each suitor tried their best to charm the princess, but the princess could not choose which handsome suitor to marry.

The princess did love ping pong though, and so she decided to test the suitors' love.
...

Why is it religious ships never make it far from port?

Because they are holy

Did you know Navy ships run on commercial batteries?

They run on 7 C's

You know why Iran's new navy has glass bottom ships...?

So they can see the old Iran navy.

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Three Soviet generals wager who has bravest soldiers

Soviet army organizes a large military exercise. Three high-ranking officers - an army general, a navy admiral and an air force commander watch the war games from an observation bunker, drink vodka and argue who has bravest men. They can not reach a conclusion, so the army general calls his troops a...

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putin walks into a meeting with all his top generals and demands "How is my special operation against Ukraine and NATO Nazis going!?"

The generals all look at each other nervously

"Well...." demands putin "tell me now!!"

The top general stands and says "Well we have been fighting for 4 weeks. We have lost over 15,000 brave soldiers, 6 generals, over 500 tanks and fighting vehicles, 3 ships, 100 planes and drones and ...

English ships start with HMS, United states with USS... what about Italian ships?

AMB.

It's stands for, 'Atsa Ma Boat!'

Why are snails allowed on ships?

Escargot.

I came up with a joke about ships

Its a shippost

Why do navy ships carries Marines?

Because sheep would be to obvious.

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A large procession of cruise ships heads out to sea.

A massive storm suddenly appeared soon after the boats departed. A ship's hull began to display large cracks, and water flooded the interior. Most of the passengers made it to the deck in time, and climbed frantically aboard the lifeboats as another cruise ship started to capsize, its panicked passe...

In a lot of ways ships are like women.

And in a lot of ways they are not. If you get a new ship you can call her “The Seaward.” But if you get a new wife you can’t call her the c word.

Why do ships and aircraft have circular windows instead of square ones?

So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.

Why are submarines more dangerous than regular ships?

They're built with sub-standard materials.

Where do little ships come from?

From berthing canals.

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