Ships Jokes

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ... read more

He is very impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.


Cook, "When rolling the biscuits, I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven."


Admiral, "That's pretty unhygienic !!"


Cook, "In that case Sir, I'd suggest you skip the... read more

So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!

Edit: whoops I meant Norwegian Navy

Edit 2: Thanks to commenters I have links to other people who have posted this joke! I haven’t been around very long so I didn’t know, go give them an upvote as well if you’d like!

2015:... read more

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent... read more

The two captains (a man and a woman) wind up in the same hospital and they fall in love. They give up their sailing careers to raise a family.

When the wife was almost ready to give birth, they decided it would be really sweet if their child chose a career that would be helpful in preventing... read more

Norse code

I'm gonna keep making these jokes until one blows up

they need to get a document from the Canadian government called a Seaman’s Discharge Book.

Which is useless because all the pages are stuck together..

No one can eat just one potato ship.

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and ... read more

... just a day out of port the captain is standing on the deck when the lookout calls down "Sir! There's an enemy ship on the horizon!"

The captain turns to his cabin boy and shouts "Bring me my red shirt!"

After the cabin boy brings him the red shirt and he puts it on, the two ships... read more

They send deck pics.

So they can Scandinavian.

(Sorry, my personal favourite joke)

And here I thought he believed in free Enterprise.

It was riveting.

...selling fridges?

I always thought that was a weird hull to die on.

Anything, as long as its not on the rocks!

Because they're always wet below.

After all, we have blood vessels for a reason.

Because they are holy

They run on 7 C's

So they can see the old Iran navy.

AMB.

It's stands for, 'Atsa Ma Boat!'

Escargot.

Its a shippost

Because sheep would be to obvious.

And in a lot of ways they are not. If you get a new ship you can call her “The Seaward.” But if you get a new wife you can’t call her the c word.

So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.

They're built with sub-standard materials.

From berthing canals.