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Raider Jokes

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Raider Hater

A little girl has her first day in a new school after moving from San Francisco to Los Angeles.

The teacher asks the class “How many of you are Charger fans?”

The whole class raises their hands except for the little girl.

Teacher asks “What is your favorite team?”

“The Ni...

My dog does back-flips when the Raiders kick a field goal.......

my buddy asked me what he does when they score a touch-down and I told him I didn't know, I've only had him for 6 years.

Why do hipsters love Raiders of the Lost Ark?

Because it's the first Indy movie.

Where's the best place to watch the Raiders in the super bowl?

The History Channel.

Say what you want about the graphics for Lara Croft's bosom in the original Tomb Raider

At the time, they were cutting edge.

The Oakland Raiders are moving to Las Vegas

I think that is quite a gamble.

Did you know that most of the Viking raiders were children?

Because it takes a child to raze a village.

When I die, I want 6 Oakland Raiders to be my pallbearers.

So they can let me down one last time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Maribe Raider, A navy SEAL, and a Delta Force operator are sitting around a campfire sharing war stories.

The marine says "I parachuted in from a helicopter at night with 50 pounds of gear on my back and killed 25 men with nothing but a knife." The SEAL says "That's nothing. I swam 6 miles up the coast, sprinted 3 more, and killed 60 people with my bare hands." He turns to the Delta Force guy. "What abo...

If Bag Raiders were a Russian band debuting in the 80s, their hit song will be called...

Shooting Tsars

[OC] My friends and I are starting a disco group. We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.

We call ourselves... The Pillage People.

I haven't heard anything from Lara Croft recently.

She's really gone off the raider.

What do you call a pregnant Lara Croft's husband?

A Womb Raider!!!

PS: Quarantine = Time for Dad jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can predict your favorite movie with one simple trick..

This math test will determine your favorite movie.
Amazing!
This is pretty damn amazing. Mine turned out to be Gone With The Wind. Thats my favorite movie! I was surprised how this worked.
.
Be honest and dont look at the movie list till you have done the math!
.
Try this test and ...

Stephen Sondheim, John Madden, and Betty White walk up to the Pearly Gates

And St. Peter says, "We're pretty full, so we're making people pass additional tests. I know this is going to sound weird, but God has been hanging out with Chuck Yeager this week, and he's only letting in people who have a connection to Jets." All three sets of eyes light up.

Sondheim step...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a man who has sex with an 80yr old woman?

A Tomb Raider

COVID Joke

Ten years from now you’ll put on a jacket and find a mask in the pocket. “Oh man, what a weird year that was.” Then you pick up your machete and continue across the wasteland, keeping to the shadows to avoid the roving gangs of cannibal raiders.

What do you call someone who steals from libraries?

A tome raider.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the supreme court justice who was caught stealing the scraps from restaurant booths?

Police identified her as Booth Raider Ginsburg.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I talked to my schoolteacher friend the other day.

She’s a schoolteacher in San Diego.

On the first day of school, she asked all of her first graders how many of them were San Diego Charger fans.

Of course, all of her kids raised their hands, except this one girl.

She looked at the girl curiously and asked, “Why aren’t you a Ch...

Have you heard about Angelina Jolie’s new film about abortion?

It’s called “Womb Raider.”

In an alternate universe, Lara Croft works in an abortion clinic...

She is called the Womb Raider

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Pro Athletes Can't Have Regular Jobs... (long but good)

1 Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the
kids to copulate me."


2 New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:

"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, which...

What would you call Laura Croft if she worked at Planned Parenthood?

Womb Raider

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 4th grade '49ers fan in Dallas

The scene is a 4th grade classroom in Dallas, Texas. The teacher asks for a show of hands:

"Hey kids, how many of you are Dallas Cowboys fans?"

Everyone in the class raises their hand, except for little Suzy. The teacher says:

"Little Suzy, I notice you didn't raise your hand. W...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe visits his favorite museum's new exhibit.

Joe was on his way to his favorite museum. The museum had announced a new exhibit and he was extremely excited to be one of the first people to ever see it, since he got some early access tickets. When he got there, there were about 12 other people who had also gotten a ticket for today, so he assum...

I didn't get the job at the abortion clinic

I guess they didn't like that I applied to be the womb raider.

Baseball & Football -George Carlin

Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allo...

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