This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here's a joke told to me by my ancient high school band director in rural Oklahoma many years ago

Mr. Band Director loved to tell the story of how his ancestors came to settle in Oklahoma during the days of pioneers, covered wagons, and frequent, often bloody misunderstandings with the local natives.

One day his great-grandfather was leading the conestogas when off in the distance he hear...

Gary Oldman has had to drastically change his appearance to star in a biopic about one Britain's electronic music pioneers.

Guess he's going to be a Gary Numan.

How come pioneers always had ugly wives?

Because they settled.

Back in the pioneer days...

A couple traveling west saw an old Native American man with his ear pressed to the ground, unmoving. As they approached, the man's eyes slowly opened and he said:

"Large wagon train. Fifty wagons. Lead cart has team of five horses. Half wagons covered, half not. Cart in middle have chip in wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pioneer family is making its way across the prairie....

... when they come upon a Native American laying with his ear to the ground.

He gestures off into the distance and says "Wagon train, 3 miles east of here. 12 adults, 8 children, 16 oxen. Carrying a week's worth of supplies and moving at 6 miles-per-hour."

"Wow!" says one of the pionee...

Karl Marx dies and stands trial before St. Peter.

St. Peter: "The ideas you preach have brought misery to billions. I send you to the deepest pits of Hell!"

After a few months Satan calls God:

Satan: "God, please remove Marx from my realm as soon as possible."

God: "Why would I do that? He is a sinner, his fate is to burn in H...

A Communist Dies.

And since he was an honest man albeit an atheist, he was sentenced to rotate spending one year in Hell and one year in Heaven. One year passes and Satan says to God: "Take this man as fast as possible. Because he turned all my young demons into Young Pioneers, I have to restore some order." Another ...

The tale of Thanksgiving.

It's that time of year, so raise a cheer, here's to drinking beer and shooting deer. Here's to friends who are sincere and friends who will endear. When others appear we give them a leer, but not so severe that they leave out of fear. We send pioneers to explore the frontier, and they return bearing...

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