A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach.

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.


The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.


The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. T...

What's the difference between physicists and gods?

Gods don't think they're physicists.

A group of physicists held a beach party. They had fun so made it an annual event.

It's becoming a really popular wave function.

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What do physicists call their penis?

A hard-on collider.

Why can’t physicists get married?

Any romantic matter is relative.

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Two physicists walk into a bar

One says to the barman "I'll have a H2O"

The other adds "I'll have a H2O, aswell"

The barman then punches the second man for calling him an ass-well.

My wife and I are both physicists. We often disagree about space and time.

In her view, the socks should not be on the floor space and I should move them NOW.

What is a nuclear physicists favorite food?

FissionChips

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Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex ?

Because when they find the position, they can't find momentum;

And when they find momentum, they can't find the position.

Two physicists go hiking

A theoretical physicist and an applied physicist go hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Suddenly they spot a black bear running towards them. The applied physicist starts taking off his boots.

The theoretical physicist says, "It's not possible to outrun a bear."

The applied physicist say...

This one goes out to the Physicists

Genie: Alright, you’ve got one wish.

Me: I wish I had a hat.

Genîe: weîrd, but ok.

Physicists have figured out how to make time come to a standstill.

They just sent it the message, 'you are doing that too much. try again in 5 minutes.'

Physicists, Engineer and Statistician go hunting ...

... as they are walking through the woods, they spot a deer.

"This one is mine" said Physicists. He takes out a pencil and a notepad and does some ballistic calculations, but calculates them in vacuum. He picks up his rifle, aim, fires. The bullet overshoots by 5 yards.

"Give me that...

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Quantum physicists have the best sex.

They know all the super positions.

Physicists are the only scientists that matter

But mathematicians are the only ones who count

Edit: First time on the front page of /r/Jokes!

Edit 2: #10!

How do physicists play Volleyball?

In vacuum with perfect spheres.

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Two mathematicians and two physicists take a train to a science symposium

On the ride there just before their tickets are checked the mathmaticians go to the loo and hide together in one cubicle. When asked to present their tickets they slide one under the booth door.

The physicists are stumped, but smart as they are they use the same trick on the return journey. W...

Some quantum physicists play twister at a party

Later that day, one of them spontaneously flattens and three seconds later the other is hit by a car: they were still entangled.

In the late 1940s a group of physicists got their hands on a battleship gun barrel to use for their experiments.

So they modified and used the barrel as a particle accelerator.

But the problem was that the actual machines they used for the experiment was on one end of of the barrel or the other. So it was very difficult for them to adjust parts of the experiment.

So what they did is that they wo...

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