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Lil Jokes

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Lil Maria

Maria is a happy first grader. She's also the only blonde girl in her class. Everyday she gets home and tells her mom about school.

"Mama, today we learned numbers and i could already count to three when noone else could! 1..2..3! Is that cuz im blonde?" " Yes sweetie, that's cuz youre blonde...

Why can’t Lil Sebastian talk?

Because he’s a little horse

Three young friends, lil' droplet, lil' feather and lil' brick ask their mothers about how they got their names...

Lil' droplet went up to her mother and asked, "Mommy, why is my name Lil' droplet?"

And so, Lil droplet's mother answered, "Well, it's because a little water droplet fell on your head the moment you were born."

Of course, Lil' droplet went off with glee, happy with the answer.

T...

Lil Johnny's Sheep

Lil Johnny is walking a sheep through town. The Mayor stops and asks Lil Johnny what he is doing.

"Silly Billy has a boy sheep and I'm taking our girl sheep to his ranch to get her pregnant," replies Johnny.

The mayor thinks this is a bad idea and tells Lil Johnny that this is a job hi...

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Lil Johnny speeding past a bridge.

(This was a take away joke)

Officer: Do you know you were doing 80 in a 65?
Johnny: No, I apologize, I was just rushing to work.
Officer: What makes your job so important that you need to put peoples lives at risk, speeding along the roadway?
Johnny: I'm a rectum stretcher.
Office...

Lil boy and lil girl are playing in a sandbox. Lil boy pulls down his pants and says, 'I have one of these and you don't.'.

Lil girl runs off to mom who sets her straight. Next day, lil boy and lil girl are in the sand box again. Again lil boy pulls down his pants saying, ' I have one of these and you don't.'. lil girl pulls up her skirt and replys, 'I have one of these and can get as many of those as I want.'.

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A guy with no arms walks into a bathroom….

So there’s a guy washing his hands and the guy with no arms says “hey man I’m a lil embarrassed, do you think you could help me out.” So he says sure, unzips the guys pants for him pulls his wiener out for him and it’s just the grossest most disgusting thing he’s ever seen, it’s all red and has open...

A lil southern humor

What do you call a crawfish in a hairpiece?

Crawfish etoupee

A Joke my kid told me

A guy goes to buy a notebook at the stationery shop. He finds a good one wrapped in plastic for $10, so he takes it up to the counter. The cashier rings it up, but tells the guy no matter what, not to look at the last page. The guy thinks it’s an odd thing to say, but pays the $10 and takes the note...

since lil peep died....

would you say he's an underground rapper now?

Lil johnny

A salesman rang the door bell and little
Johnny answered.
The salesman asked if his father was at home.
Johnny said, "Yes." The salesman said,
"Well, can I see him please?" Johnny snickered and said, "No, he is in the shower."
Then the salesman asked if his mother was at home. ...

Beware of Lil Nas X's Satan Shoes.

The devil might steal your sole.

lil Jimmy asks and answers

Lil Jimmy asks mommy "why were you doing bouncing up and down on Daddys stomach last night..?

Mommy says "I have to do that Lil Jimmy it helps keep daddy skinny or else he gets real fat.."

Lil Jimmy says "well thats not going to work.."

and mommy asks "well why not...?"

a...

How come ants don't get sick?

...because they have lil' anty-bodies

*runs away*

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There lil Johnny sat in the back of class...

as the teacher announced that "Today, if the students could name the famous Americans who said these famous quotes, they could go home early."

Excited, the whole class perked up.

"First one." Mr. Jones said. "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

Every student's hand was up...

Lil piggy is sick

A Lil Piggy is sick and goes to see Dr. Pig. "Dr. Pig," he says, "I feel awful!! What do I do?"

Dr. Pig says "Here's what you do: go home and roll around in some salt. I'll check back in with you in a week."

One week later, Dr. Pig goes to see the Lil Piggy. Dr. Pig asks, "So, are you ...

What happened to the lil cannibal who ate all his classmates?

He passed the third grade.

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What did Dr.Dre say to Lil Wayne?

Nothing, you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in Eminem's basement!

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter...

Dear Ma & Pa,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6 am. But...

If steak could rap, why would its prefix only be Big or Lil'?

Because medium rare

Teacher asked lil Steve:

-What do you wanna do when you grow up?

-I dream of earning millions and millions of dollars, just like my dad!

-Your father earns that much money?!?

-No, he just dreams about it every day.

Why was Pete at Lil’ Caesars?

Cause Pete’s a pizza.

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Lil Johnny & the Bet

Lil Johnny’s teacher had been warned never to make a bet with him unless she was absolutely sure she would win.

One day Lil John came up to her and bet $50 that he could guess the color of her panties. The teacher thought for a moment and then said, “sure, come see me after class and we will...

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Lil Johnny was is sex education class...

For most classes, he said in back but in sex education class lil Johnny always sat right in front. One particular day the teacher's homework assignment was that each student should go home and think of all of the different positions there are in which people can have sexual intercorse. When they ret...

My lil brother wanted to make a herb bouquet.

My little brother wanted to make a herb bouquet for his school assignment. So i helped him to make it. It took us 5 hours to collect all kinds of herbs from our garden and made an amazing bouquet. But the next morning, when he had to go to school, the herbs were dried and ugly.

Turns out, al...

Lost lil boy

I once met this little boy, 4/5 tops in a supermarket who seems lost, scared and about to cry.

I kneeled down and ask him”. “What’s wrong little boy”

“Mummy” he said tearing up and starting to sob.

“You lost your mummy?” I asked and he nodded.

“What’s your name?” I follo...

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Lil Johnny..

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.

Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunda...

what did the white woman say to the other white woman who confused jay-z for lil wayne?

thats ludacris

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My wife’s nickname is Lil Nas X

I ask her for a little sex all the time and she just says ‘Nahh’

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Lil Johnny in Class

The teacher begins the new week by deciding to go around the room and ask each student to cover her a word that starts with a designated letter. She asks for a volunteer for the letter A and Lil Johnny is the first to shoot his hand up.

The teacher thinks, "Johnny always has the most perver...

Lil Bruce Wayne, he played little league baseball...

He was the batboy.

What is the difference between Lil Peep and Punk?

Punk´s not dead

What's Lil' Jon's favourite sport?

CROQUET!

Why do they call Lil Wayne "The Last Communist?"

Cuz he's We-Z baby.

What does Lil Pump call his fanbase?

The Pumpkin.

Why were the ants unaffected by the covid virus?

They have lil anty bodies.

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Lil' Arty

After being married to a total bitch for nearly 35 years, Steve decided enough was enough. He knew that she would never grant him a divorce, being the bitch she was, so Steve decided to take matters into his own hands put an end to his wife, Permanently! Of course, Steve didn’t want the blame placed...

Q anon conspiracy types must be absolutely fuming

they were promised a storm...

...and in the end all they got was a 'lil wayne.

I'm here all week.

A young boy deposit 100$ everyday in the bank...

One day the general manager noticed the young boy and asked the clerk about him. He then told him that the young boy comes everyday and deposit exactly $100 each time. So the manager told the clerk to send him the lil boy the next time he comes to the bank. The next day the boy comes in and he's sen...

Did you hear about the rapper who made a killing in the stock market?

Lil' Nas Daq

Lil' Rascals

read aloud for best effect ...
Teacher stands in front of the class full of the Lil' Rascals.
She asks Darla to spell dictate.
Darla, "dictate: d-i-k-t-a-t. Dictate."
Sorry Darla that is incorrect.
Teacher asks Buckwheat.
Buckwheat says, "dictate: d-i-c-t-a-t-e. Dictate."
"very...

Lil wayne becomes a comedian...

Lol wayne

What do Beethoven and the hiphop artist Lil'Jon have in common?

What?!

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What do you want to be when you grow up? Featuring Lil Johnny

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe...

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Lil Johnny is sitting in biology class.

The teacher says that an interesting phenomenon in nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Suddenly, the little boy's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, "Lil Johnny" replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, just the other day I was pl...

What is Lil Jon's favorite flavor of BBQ?

Mesquite squite squite.

...Forgive me I'm freshly smoked.

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What do lil' Wayne and sewage have in common?

Shit flow.

How do you get a tissue to dance?

Put a lil boogie in it.

How does Lil Wayne get inspiration for his new music?

He listens to his old music.

Lil' Johnny at the horse auction

Lil' Johnny went to a horse auction with his dad, he watched as his dad moved from horse to horse running his hands over the rump, down each leg and across their chest.

Johnny asked his dad why he was doing that and his dad told him "Because I'm thinking of buying one of these horses"
Lil...

If Lil Wayne was a Royal What would he be doing on the weekends?

I don't know, but I'm sure it would involve Wayneking.

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I tried to explain to my lil daughter that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants.

But she's still making fun of me.

Teacher talking to students

Teacher: "If you think that you are stupid, stand up."
(\*nobody stands up\*)
Teacher: "I believe that there are *some* stupid students here..."
(\*Lil' Johnny stands up\*)
Teacher: "Lil' Johnny, you think that you are stupid?"

Lil' Johnny: "No, I just feel bad for you sin...

Whats Lil' Waynes favorite pizza place?

Little seizures

Did you know that Lil Wayne's parents were murdered right in front of him?

It was what inspired him to become the Batman.

What did Lil' John say when the fan asked for an autograph at the loud club?

What? Yeah... OK.

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A teenage girl came across an old man sitting next to his radio, tapping his cane in time to a Lil Wayne song.

"Holy crap! I didn't know you'd like rap music?!"
"I didn't, either," the old man replied. "It all started after my hip op".

I've seen a lot of you getting the funniest jokes from your kids, so I tried asking my lil sister to give me one too

She told me to look into the mirror

What did a disgruntled Lil Jon say to the pet shop owner when he asked him what kind of bird he wanted?

par Aww Skeet Skeet God Damn!

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Bad Lil' Johnny's Fishing Trip with His Grandpa... [Explicit]

Bad Lil' Johnny headed out on the water with his Grandpa for a day of fishing. After awhile of fishing, Grandpa got thirsty so he pulled out a beer and began to drink. Bad Lil' Johnny became curious never having tasted beer before and asked if he could have a sip of Grandpa's beer. Grandpa replie...

My favorite “And that’s when the fight started” joke!

A drunk man comes home to his wife and stands swayingly before her. She sees that his pants are ripped, his legs are bloody and he has bruises on his knuckles. Odd though, everything above his waist seems perfectly fine.

Wife: Oh no… What’s happened to you this time?

Husband: It was no...

Are there any medium rappers?

They're always Big or Lil

Mumble rappers are dying off

Lil' by Lil'

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Just wrote this poem

Everyone gather together

Put aside what you are doing

See this lyric, feel the weather

Take a second for the viewing.

Everyone gather together

In this house we all are one.

No discrimination, son.

Did I say a house we're in?

It's a prostitution...

What did Lil' Jon do when Home Depot employee tried to sell him a lightbulb?

Turned down 4 watt

Kevin Hart is so short

He calls Lil Wayne "Wayne"

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My Cousin was born with no eyelids. Later when he was circumcised, they used the foreskin to create eyelids for him.

Everything turned out fine......he's just a lil Cock eyed.

There were 3 brothers: Little Snowflake, Little Leaf, and Little Brick...

So one day Little Snowflake goes up to his mum and asks her:
- Why am I called like this?
- Because when you were born, a Snowflake fell on your forehead
So Lil' Snowie all excited goes up to his brothers and tells them that they should ask what about their names, so Little Leaf goes up to ...

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If you gets a link called 'free porn' don't open it.

It is a birus wich deactivates your spelchek and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it. Lil

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