I hosted a terrible orgy last weekend

Nobody came

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A crusty old Marine Corps Colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Colonel for conversation.

She said, "Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?"
"No," the Colonel said, "just ser...

There was a seventies and scones music festival being hosted in South West England but organisers had a problem.

They couldn’t decide whether to put The Jam or Cream on first.

I hosted a huge event for gingers last week

Sadly not a single soul showed up.

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[NSFW] I hosted a party for people who struggle to reach orgasm

but nobody came.

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During the late thirties the Nazi party hosted a friendly soccer game versus England. The Nazi's star goalkeeper was Hans Bratvender.

Late in the game Hans, overcome with Nationalist pride, turned to face the Chancellor's private box, stood to attention and gave a Nazi salute.

At that moment, the English forward kicked from outside the goal crease, and scored what would be the winning goal.

When asked later to explai...

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My friend does a circle jerk with his friends every year. He hosted their first one 5 years ago, and the one this year is returning back to his place.

He’s really cum full circle

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So I told my friend that this guy that hosted a party had a golden toilet

He didn't believe me one bit. So we went to the guy's house and when the door opened, it was his mother. We asked if I could show my friend your golden toilet because he doesn't believe it. She looked at me for a while, then shouted back into the house, "Nick, the guy who shit in your tuba is here!"

A woman had hosted a party over her place when she had a baby

So she asked her maid to pickup her dress, get some balloons and get some milk from the market.





When the maid picked up the dress, there was a pretty noticeable hole on it.




Then the balloon she brought were already popped




And the milk ca...

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A man hosted 100 ghost believers at a paranormal convention..

He decides to ask the attendees a series of questions to gauge the room.

"Put your hands up if you've seen a ghost" he says and most of the room follows his instructions.

"Okay now put your hands up if you've been in the same room as a ghost" and only about half of the attendees rais...

What do parties hosted by billionaires have in common with hardware stores?

They're both filled with tools.

When the construction of the chief's new house was completed, he hosted a feast to thank these who aided him during the construction.

During the feast, everyone congratulates him and said: " You're extremely competent to build houses like this one here."

His wife heard the compliment and spoke for her husband: " Well, the credit isn't all my husband's, the credit goes to these who contributed! "

After the feast, ever...

One time I hosted a Halloween party and everybody had the same costume

The invisible man

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I once attended a 50s music themed table tennis festival in a far east country, hosted by an Asian dictator where all the participants were dressed as famous movie gorillas...

It was Kim Jongs Honk Kong Honky Tonk King Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong

I'll see myself out.

A undertaker hosted a magic show once.

His slogan was, "Abra-cadaver-a".

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During the 60’s Michael Caine hosted some really wild parties. At one such party he had all the coolest people there, taking drugs, drinking and having a crazy time.

‘Alright jim’ he said to Jim Morrisson ‘are you and the boys enjoying the party?’. ‘Yeah its great, man’. ‘Well its going to get better. Ive got a girl in the bedroom who will suck all your dicks’ said Caine ‘Really? That’s great!’ replied Morrisson. So he and the band went into Michael’s bedroom....

A goalkeeper hosted a celebratory dinner at his house after his team won the league championship.

Before dinner, he asked the coach to say grace. The coach concluded his prayer by saying, “We ask that you bless this food in the name of the father, and of the son, and of the goalie host.”

I hosted an Erectile Dysfunction Anonymous meeting

Nobody came

I hosted a silent disco party in my apartment

I got a complaint from the mime next door.

The Notorious B.I.G. once hosted a house party featuring a giant fortune teller

It was a large medium at Small's.

I hosted an amazing party. We had tons of cheese, but ran out of crackers

It was cracka-lackin

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Me and my mates hosted a circle jerk the other night and put £5 in the pot. We all put £5 into a jar and whoever ejaculated last got all the money in the jar. I came in a respectable second.

Which meant I finished in last place.

I've hosted an bukkake party for my girlfriend

You should've seen her face

So 4chan hosted its very first live meetup this week...

I just don't know why they chose Charlottesville as the location.

My neighbour hosted a party and the theme was The Matrix. My girlfriend got home when it was finished and said it was rubbish.

Looks like I dodged a bullet with that one.

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A man hosted a Halloween party

A man hosted a Halloween party where the theme was emotions. The first party guest shows up all in green, the host asks what he is, "I'm green in envy" said the guest. The next party guest shows up dressed in all red, the host asks what he's supposed to be, "Well I'm red with anger." He replied. The...

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I hosted an Orgy at a camp ground the other day...

It was fucking in-tents

A friend of mine hosted a party to help him get over his girl friend dumping him.

Three of us showed up. I brought a deck of cards,and suggested we play a game.

He refused, saying we needed to wait for atleast one more person to show up.

No wonder his girlfriend dumped him. He hated four play.

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