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Hosted Jokes

I hosted a terrible orgy last weekend

Nobody came

i hosted a party for snails that don't have shells

it was a slugfest

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A crusty old Marine Corps Colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Colonel for conversation.

She said, "Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?"
"No," the Colonel said, "just ser...

I went to a concert hosted by the Dyslexics Support Group.

Queef Latina was the headliner and they put on a hell of a show.

I hosted a huge event for gingers last week

Sadly not a single soul showed up.

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I hosted a party for people into orgasm denial

No one came.

My wife's a practical joker.

I took her to a party hosted by my new boss. Nobody had met her yet. My boss comes over and says it's nice to meet your wife. She looks at me and says," you're married?"

I hosted an Erectile Dysfunction Anonymous meeting

Nobody came

A undertaker hosted a magic show once.

His slogan was, "Abra-cadaver-a".

I hosted a costume party a while back

I understood most of the costumes, but there was one guy with a rainbow clown wig, a captain America shield, an invisible dog, and a kimono. I must've sat there for 20 minutes trying to figure it out, but nothing made sense. So I went up to ask him directly.

Me: "Hey, nice costume"

Him...

What do parties hosted by billionaires have in common with hardware stores?

They're both filled with tools.

I hosted a silent disco party in my apartment

I got a complaint from the mime next door.

One time I hosted a Halloween party and everybody had the same costume

The invisible man

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A man hosted a Halloween party

A man hosted a Halloween party where the theme was emotions. The first party guest shows up all in green, the host asks what he is, "I'm green in envy" said the guest. The next party guest shows up dressed in all red, the host asks what he's supposed to be, "Well I'm red with anger." He replied. The...

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During the late thirties the Nazi party hosted a friendly soccer game versus England. The Nazi's star goalkeeper was Hans Bratvender.

Late in the game Hans, overcome with Nationalist pride, turned to face the Chancellor's private box, stood to attention and gave a Nazi salute.

At that moment, the English forward kicked from outside the goal crease, and scored what would be the winning goal.

When asked later to explai...

So 4chan hosted its very first live meetup this week...

I just don't know why they chose Charlottesville as the location.

A goalkeeper hosted a celebratory dinner at his house after his team won the league championship.

Before dinner, he asked the coach to say grace. The coach concluded his prayer by saying, “We ask that you bless this food in the name of the father, and of the son, and of the goalie host.”

The Notorious B.I.G. once hosted a house party featuring a giant fortune teller

It was a large medium at Small's.

I hosted an amazing party. We had tons of cheese, but ran out of crackers

It was cracka-lackin

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I hosted an Orgy at a camp ground the other day...

It was fucking in-tents

When the construction of the chief's new house was completed, he hosted a feast to thank these who aided him during the construction.

During the feast, everyone congratulates him and said: " You're extremely competent to build houses like this one here."

His wife heard the compliment and spoke for her husband: " Well, the credit isn't all my husband's, the credit goes to these who contributed! "

After the feast, ever...

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My friend does a circle jerk with his friends every year. He hosted their first one 5 years ago, and the one this year is returning back to his place.

He’s really cum full circle

A friend of mine hosted a party to help him get over his girl friend dumping him.

Three of us showed up. I brought a deck of cards,and suggested we play a game.

He refused, saying we needed to wait for atleast one more person to show up.

No wonder his girlfriend dumped him. He hated four play.

Why should they have hosted the World Cup in a different country this year?

.... because a brazillian things could go wrong

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During the 60’s Michael Caine hosted some really wild parties. At one such party he had all the coolest people there, taking drugs, drinking and having a crazy time.

‘Alright jim’ he said to Jim Morrisson ‘are you and the boys enjoying the party?’. ‘Yeah its great, man’. ‘Well its going to get better. Ive got a girl in the bedroom who will suck all your dicks’ said Caine ‘Really? That’s great!’ replied Morrisson. So he and the band went into Michael’s bedroom....

My neighbour hosted a party and the theme was The Matrix. My girlfriend got home when it was finished and said it was rubbish.

Looks like I dodged a bullet with that one.

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