UPJOKE
adviseinformappriseapprizegive noticesend wordinforminginstructnotificationdisclosesubmitnoticeadvisedasteriskinformed

Notifies Jokes

I downloaded an app that notifies me when Trump throws a tantrum.

It's called Twitter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly couple gets pulled over by a cop.

The wife is driving, but she has a bit of a hearing problem. The officer notifies her that she was doing 38 in a 25 zone.
The wife turns to her husband and asks "What'd he say?"

The husband replies "He says you were speeding!"
The wife turns back to the officer and says "Oh, sorry offic...

An ancient Soviet joke

One day, while inspecting an army base, Stalin realises his pipe is missing. He calls his secret police to help him find it. When he goes home, he finds his pipe on his couch. He notifies the secret police.

"Comrade Nikolai, I have found my pipe already, stop all search operations for it."...

Two men and a blonde are the next 3 up on death row

The warden approaches the first man and asks him which way he would like to go. “The firing squad, electric chair, or hanging?” The man thinks about what the best way to go would be and after some thing he chooses the chair. After being brought into the room, the operator flips the switch and after ...

A blonde gets on an airplane to fly back home

As she enters the plane, she begins jumping up and down, all the way to her seat.

The flight attendant notices this, concerned for the blondes mental state, notifies the captain of her actions.

The captain walks down to the blonde, who’s now bouncing in her seat. He asks the blonde “w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Long) Pope's Dinner

(First post here so I hope this one lands!)

A small Catholic church in Kalamazoo is going to be graced with the Pope's presence. To honor his visit, they decide it would be a good idea to cook him a nice fresh fish dinner. The Priest and the Bishop are out fishing for a while until the Bishop...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Suggestions for Tesla sentry mode...

(based on a thread over in r/TeslaMotors)

Tesla Sentry Mode is the name of the car's feature that detects when someone is near the car when it is parked; it saves video from that time period and notifies the owner how many incidents have occurred while s/he's been away from the car. It also p...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.